


viscosity

by waspfactor



Series: fractional distillation [1]
Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Asano Gakuhou Goes To Therapy, Asano Gakuhou's Bad Parenting, Bad Parenting, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Child Abuse, Character Study, Developing Friendships, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Constipation, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post-Canon, Suicide Attempt, Therapy, Underage Substance Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:20:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28110792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waspfactor/pseuds/waspfactor
Summary: [viscosity- a measure of a fluid's resistance to flow]gakushuu asano and karma akabane as they navigate the events that directly follow their junior high graduation. of course, like everything else, it's not without its ups and downs.(or gakushuu and karma realise that, unfortunately, they're probably more alike than they'd like to admit)
Relationships: Akabane Karma & Akabane Karma's Parents, Akabane Karma & Asano Gakushuu, Asano Gakuhou & Asano Gakushuu, Irina Jelavić & Karasuma Tadaomi
Series: fractional distillation [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2093277
Comments: 184
Kudos: 234
Collections: Asano Gakushuu Centric





	1. methane

**Author's Note:**

> *pointing to gakushuu* is anyone gonna psychoanalyze his character. 
> 
> YES i am still angry how gakushuu (and also nagisa) were handled in canon in regard to their abuse. gakushuu n nagisa trauma bonding at some point but today is karma and gakushuu trauma bonding. HWFG. 
> 
> i know this fic kinda starts off as a 'ooo wtf happened last year' kinda deal but trust me- karma n gakushuu r gonna become friends and they r gonna talk abt their respective trauma n theyre gonna become friends n theyre gonna WORK THROUGH IT!!! i will LET these children talk abt their trauma since canon literally did NOTHING. *bangs fist on table* karma n gakushuu mutualism hurt/comfort lets HAVE IT
> 
> since this fic focuses on karmas backstory, it might interest you to read my other additions in the 'karma (kichirou) akabane cinematic universe': [spontaneous combustion](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27657214), [and this moral compass is forever misaligned](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27789208) and [akabane family headcanons](https://wasp-factor.tumblr.com/post/634886621108617216/some-akabane-family-headcanons)

Akabane is to attend Kunugigoaka High School, just like Gakushuu. He finds this out on the day of graduation, where Akabane slinks behind him after they receive their certificates. He looks… _different_ , with his neatly combed hair and immaculately pressed blazer. It looks like it’s never been worn before.

“Out of the frying pan and into a slightly larger one, aye Asano?” He jokes, voice akin to a stage whisper. “A wok maybe? A deep fat fryer? Agh, I have 3 years to work on it.”

Escorting E Class out of the hall brings about a new level of stress. He has to fight his way through the crowd to escort them, having to dodge the grabby reporter’s hands. One tries to spit on him, and the act infuriates him so much that he can’t help but curse out the one who did it. Isogai and Kataoka both thank him in abundance. Gauging by the eyes bags they both carry and Kataoka’s jumpiness, this has been stressful for them too. He wishes them and the rest of E Class a successful academic career in their chosen high schools.

He sits on the bus alone to Kunugigoaka alone, the other Virtuoso’s positioned behind him. He’s still shaking slightly, the sight of all those reporters so angry and determined a little unnerving. He truly had not envisioned the sheer magnitude of this situation. He allows himself a wistful look out the window, watching as other students pour onto similar buses- just what had the principal done over the past school year?

There’s a new sensation of warmth next to him and the faint smell of strawberries wafts through the air. He slowly rolls his head over and-

“Akabane.”

Said individual grins. He’s already ditched the grey blazer and swapped it for his usual black one, God only knows where the other one is. Gakushuu wishes he could say he was surprised.

“Asano,” Karma turns in his seat to stick his tongue out at the other Virtuoso’s. “Asano’s esteemed guests.” His voice is drenched in sarcasm.

The Virtuoso’s all kick off to that, Koyama practically wriggling around in his seat. Ren has to basically restrain him from lunging at Akabane.

“ _Akabane._ ” He repeats, sitting up in his seat, smoothing out his uniform.

“ _Asano,”_ Akabane mocks, pulling a face. “You’re like a broken record today.”

Asano frowns at Akabane, grumbling a little as the bus departs. Akabane must’ve been the last on the bus. Typical. He’s not really in the mood for bickering with Akabane so he hopes he’ll be left alone with his thoughts. The principal’s still back the at the middle school campus so there’s no security camera breathing down his neck.

But Akabane is a hurricane, unstoppable and destructive. He spreads his legs wide, taking up way more space than he should. Gakushuu winces internally. “You look down, Asano,” His voice is innocent, a mirage. He’s to ensnare Gakushuu. “A penny for your thoughts, perhaps?”

Telling Akabane to _please_ give him some alone time is on the very tip of Asano’s tongue, but he stops himself as the bus passes the Kunugigoaka sign. The gold name plate stares back at Gakushuu, an invitation to the truth. He holds back his words and rearranges them. “Will you tell me about what happened this year,” He inquires. “I have a feeling I won’t get the truth from the principal.”

Akabane’s expression softens up. He mulls over a thought for a while. “Sure. Why not?”

As part of the normal graduating ceremony, they’d usually be taken to the high school campus. However, there’s a clusterfuck of reporters, concerned parents and angry citizens alike blocking their path. The bus driver informs them that, unfortunately, they won’t be taken to Kunugigoaka High School and instead, dropped off at a rendezvous point for the students to be taken home safely. Akabane groans when he hears the news.

“No doubt they’ll drop us off on the other side of town,” He complains. “I’ll have to walk past all those crazies again.”

Gakushuu is trying to distance himself from his usual prying ways but he can’t help the way Akabane intrigues him. Akabane’s from the upper class, with a nice house and a sizeable enough fortune to allow him to stay at Kunugigoaka. But his parents… Gakushuu’s never seen them, never even heard of them. The Akabane’s might as well not exist, with the way that _no one_ seems to recognise the name.

Gakushuu presses, ever so gently. “Your parents won’t come collect you?”

Akabane snorts. “You’re funny.”

Gakushuu doesn’t know what he means by that but judging by the way Akabane sticks in earphones and cranks up his music so loud that Araki can hear it, he clearly doesn’t want to divulge any further.

That’s fine. It’s not really Gakushuu’s place anyways.

The rendezvous point is a carpark situated over a nice advantage point. Rows of nice cars, well-dressed chauffeurs and dolled up parents. Gakushuu waves goodbye to the Virtuoso as they’re ushered away by their parents, as if Gakushuu was radioactive. Mr Sakakibara even has the nerve to tell Gakushuu that he would like to sue the principal. He’s trying to be threatening, with his arms crossed and legs apart but he’s a weasel of a man, an undeniably weaker opponent compared to what Gakushuu’s dealt with before. Gakushuu can’t help the glare he gives the older man.

“I’ll be sure to pass on the message.” He seethes, teeth clenched so hard they might shatter.

Sakakibara grabs onto his father’s wrist. “ _Dad!”_ He hisses out, face contorted in anger. Gakushuu can’t remember the last time he’s seen the other so enraged. “How can you-, it’s not _his_ fault! He’s my friend, leave him _alone_!”

Mr Sakakibara’s green eyes drill into his son but Sakakibara floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. He drags his father back to his car, all while alternating between sending Gakushuu an apologetic glance and giving his father an icy stare. He motions to his phone and Gakushuu interprets that as ‘I’ll explain later’.

“I didn’t know you were actually friends with them.” Akabane notes from behind him, leaning against the parked bus.

Of course, he’s still here. Gakushuu spins on his heels, placing his hands on his hips. “What are you on about? Obviously, they’re my friends.”

Akabane raises an eyebrow. “Whatever you say, Second Place,”

Gakushuu really hopes that nickname doesn’t stick.

Cars and students disperse to the point where there’s a single, sleek, expensive car still left in the lot. The door opens and the E Class teachers step out, both dressed in suits. The woman, who looks like she just walked out of a magazine with her ethereal, long blonde hair is chatting away happily to the stoic male. Gakushuu’s seen them in assemblies and around the principal’s office but he’s never actually been introduced. Akabane seems to perk up at the sight of them, standing up straighter.

“Akabane,” The man’s voice is deep. Commanding. He turns those pitch-black eyes towards Gakushuu. “I’m afraid we haven’t met. I’m Mr Karasuma, Class 3-E’s physical education teacher,” He motions to the blonde woman next to him. “This is Miss Jelavic. She’s the language teacher.”

“You mean _was,_ ” She adds and it’s only up close that Gakushuu realises how young she looks, with big, unwavering blue eyes. “Since the academic year is over, I’m not a teacher anymore,” She looks pleased at the fact, stretching her arms above her head. “Neither are you, mind.”

Gakushuu blinks at the two. While he seems like he’d be able to teach physical education, he doesn’t exactly _look_ like a teacher. The woman appears to a probation teacher if anything. “Student Council- ah. Just Asano now. Were you fired?” It’s not uncommon for some faculty members to only stay at Kunugigoaka for one year, most never last for more than two. The principal is a fickle man, and his plans for an ideal school environment can change almost instantly, like the sea on a stormy night. He once fired a teacher on their first day.

Karasuma shakes his head. “I’m afraid I can’t answer that,” He motions back to the car, which is way too nice to be bought on a teacher’s salary. “I’ll be escorting you two both home.”

Akabane pockets his phone. “I’m glad the Ministry of Defence haven’t given up on me just yet.” He says with a grin, walking past Karasuma and Jelavic. To that, Gakushuu splutters.

“Ministry of Defence?” He turns to Karasuma, sizing him up in his mind. He can definitely picture him working for the Ministry of Defence. “You’re government agents?”

Gakushuu correctly guesses that Akabane hadn’t meant to that, not in front of him anyways. Akabane forces a watery grin and runs hands through his hair. “Agh. I’ll tell you later.”

Karasuma doesn’t look happy to hear that, face falling almost immediately into a stern look. “You signed the non-disclosure agreement, remember. Asano, I’m sorry but I can’t answer that.”

That basically tells Gakushuu everything he needs to know; whatever happened this year with the principal and E Class also involves the government.

Jelavic pouts, clinging onto Karasuma’s arm. “Aw, come on. Loosen up a bit, Karasuma,” She waves a hand in Gakushuu’s direction. “The kid’s gonna find out one way or another. He does _kinda_ have a right to know.”

Karasuma looks fed up. “Irina-“

“Ooo, first name basis,” Akabane coos from behind them. “Now this _is_ romantic.”

“Akabane-“

Gakushuu frowns, trying to put 2 and 2 together to make 4. An idea floats around in his mind. It certainly wouldn’t be the most outlandish theory he’s ever had concerning Akabane. “…Are _you_ his parents?”

Akabane practically pisses himself laughing from that, hands on his knees to brace himself. “I have to tell the others you just said that!” He pulls out his phone and aims it at Gakushuu, presumably to take a photo. Gakushuu flips him off, which causes Akabane to laugh even more.

Jelavic also finds this amusing. “Me? A mother? To that little shit?” She chuckles before pausing, her face falling. “…Do I look old enough to be a… _mother_?” She whispers to herself, face pale.

Karasuma looks like he’s been stretched thin and then some. “Can we please all get in the car-“

“Karasuma!” She wails, giving the other a shake. “Am I… _old?_ ”

Karasuma gives Gakushuu a strained look. Gakushuu almost feels a little bit bad for him but his curiosity is currently trumping all over possible emotions.

The car ride home is as expected. Gakushuu assumes this must be a government car if the fine Italian leather and sleek resin interior. He sits in the back next to Akabane, who tries his best to convince Gakushuu that Jelavic and Karasuma _are_ his parents.

Akabane’s dropped off first. Gakushuu examines his house; it looks empty, with all the lights turned off and no car in the driveway. It must be normal, however, for Akabane doesn’t look fazed in the slightest.

“See you in a few weeks’ time, Asano!” He waves goodbye before slinking into his house. Gakushuu thinks he hears Karasuma breath a sigh of relief.

His own home is…chaotic. There’s about 5 other government cars parked outside, with agents standing outside holding back an angry mob of people. They take up most of the road and Karasuma has to honk his horn several times to get them to move. A brick gets thrown at the car, bouncing off the bulletproof glass. Jelavic _giggles._

“Look like we’re popular.” She jokes. No one laughs.

The car parks and Karasuma looks behind in his seat to talk to Gakushuu. “You might have to run inside. I don’t think that crowd will be happy to see you.”

“Why?”

Karasuma’s face flickers with something that Gakushuu can’t pinpoint. Pity? Pain? Sympathy? “They probably think you’re your father.”

Gakushuu gingerly opens the door and is immediately barraged by the cacophony of screams, shouts, yells. He distinctly hears “There he is!” followed by a “Wait, I thought he’d be older.”

Gakushuu’s just surprised he can pass for an adult.

He doesn’t run to the door, but he does briskly walk, doing his best to ignore the crowd who are currently here to complain and protest against his family. Gakushuu’s hand is on the front door’s handle when a plastic bottle whizzes past him. He dodges it easily and it pathetically hits against the door. It’s filled with a deep, amber coloured liquid-

Ah. Well, that’s nice.

Before anymore biohazardous water bottles can be aimed at him, he opens the door and quickly shuts it behind him. Inside, there’s an equally loud commotion, with around 10 people all dressed in suits with pieces of paper and frantic looks. They don’t look happy to see him, giving him one passing glance before frowning and carrying on. There’s wires and computers and a guy in the kitchen is practically screaming into his phone, putting on a heavy American accent. More government agents, Gakushuu supposes.

The principal is also here, sitting on his couch arguing with another man. He doesn’t look happy and his expression doesn’t change in the slightest when he sees Gakushuu.

Gakushuu swallows the lump in his throat, feeling several pairs of eyes burn into the back of his head. He gets the feeling like’s he’s walked into the lion’s den. “Principal,” He starts. “What is going on?”

The principal sighs, rubbing his temples in a circular motion. “Asano. I think it would be best for you to head to your room.”

Gakushuu tries to protest. “But I-“

A woman with short brown hair and thin framed glasses comes up behind Gakushuu, her hands ghosting over his shoulders. “I think you should listen to your father,” Her voice is cool and low. Gakushuu doesn’t know if she’s harbouring anger towards him or the principal. “The adults just need to have a _talk._ ”

Gakushuu stares at her, reading between the lines. This is a conversation he’s not meant to hear, to know about. Now he really might die of curiosity- this _had_ to be serious. He looks back at the principal, meeting those violet eyes he’s grown used to.

Gakushuu does what he’s told, a part of him glad he’s escaped the oppressive atmosphere. When he gets to his room, he lets out a breath he didn’t know he had. The buzz from downstairs is impossible to hear from here- he’s left with his thoughts, accompanied by a low, humming noise, like static.

There’s a buzz from his blazer pocket, from his phone. A message.

**[akabane: so were u serious abt wanting to know lol]**

It doesn’t take long for Gakushuu to reply.

**[asano: Yes. Tell me everything.]**


	2. ethane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gakushuu experiences semi-lockdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEHEHEHEHE 
> 
> tags have been updated cos oh boy

**[akabane: okay so like the jist is we were trained as assassins by the government]**

**[asano: What? Why would they children ask to do that?]**

**[akabane: cos they felt like it LMAOOOO]**

**[akabane: nah jk do u remember the moon exploding like a year ago]**

**[asano: Yes. It’s visible in the sky every night.]**

**[akabane: yea we had to kill that thing. he was an octopus who could move at mach 20]**

**[asano: …Was he yellow?]**

**[akabane: yea how did u know]**

**[asano: Okay. That makes sense.]**

**[akabane: ????]  
[akabane: ur taking this well like i thought youd be freaking out]**

**[asano: There’s currently government agents in my house and the principal has argued with five of them already. This really doesn’t surprise me.]**

**[akabane: ah]**

**[asano: Should I be surprised?]**

**[akabane: tbh i wasn’t that surprised when i was told abt it]**

**[akabane: guess i figured ‘well it could b weirder’]**   
  


Gakushuu doesn’t really know and as a result, ends his communication with Akabane there. He connects the last fraying ends in his mind- E Class were all receiving assassin training, which resulted in their improved physical abilities (that explains the baseball and pole toppling events). Their target was their homeroom teacher, who was an 8-foot tall, yellow octopus alien who was unkillable, except for when special projectiles and material was used. He was called Korosensei (the irony isn’t lost on Gakushuu) and apparently, he was a good teacher.

Gakushuu wouldn’t know- he never met the guy. But it does explain E Class’ grades skyrocketing. Karasuma and Jelavic weren’t just teachers but one was an air force instructor, and the other was an _assassin_ herself. Gakushuu feels a little uneasy that he survived a car journey with her.

It’s outlandish but _it makes sense,_ albeit with a few holes left to be filled in _._ Gakushuu reminds himself to not overwhelm himself now; he still has to face the principal.

Sakakibara shoots him a message, apologising for and ranting about his father. Gakushuu waves it off- Sakakibara’s always hated his father. He asks Gakushuu if he’s found out anything about what happened with the principal and E Class. Gakushuu holds back for now; there’s no way Sakakibara will believe him if he tells him now. No. This is a matter to be settled in person.

He sits in his room, bored and hungry until he really can’t take the noise his stomach’s making anymore. This is his house too and he has every right to be able to go downstairs and get a snack!

He tiptoes down the stairs, sticking his head out to see who’s still here. To his surprise, it’s just the principal, sitting alone at the table. His gaze is focused on his clasped hands. Suddenly, Gakushuu wishes all the government agents were still here.

The sight of the principal just… _sitting_ there unnerves him so much that he decides to head back upstairs but of course, the Asano perceptiveness is all powerful and all knowing.

“Asano.”

Gakushuu mentally curses before straightening up. “Principal.” He replies coolly.

He’s currently treading water. This whole situation is unprecedented; he has no data to compare against and thus, he has no idea how the principal will react, can’t rule out anything.

“Unfortunately, that’s not appropriate anymore.” The principal mumbles but it’s loud enough in the empty house to be heard from the other side of the room. Interest piqued, Gakushuu walks closer to him and realises he’s not staring at his hands but at a newspaper on the table.

“Sir?”

The principal hands him the newspaper to let him read it for himself. The headlines reads ‘ _Assassination Classroom?: Reckless Ex-Principal Endangered Children By Harbouring Killer Alien’._

Gakushuu blinks in awe. “You’re being…fired?” He tries.

“I’m officially stepping down but, yes, you could say I was fired. Today was my last day as an educator.”

Gakushuu doesn’t really know how to respond. He has never seen the principal-, uh, his _father_ he supposes now, jobless. That was his entire life’s work, Kunugigoaka. It was his child, one that could never disappoint him or betray him (or die on him). It was his and his alone.

And now it’s gone.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Is what he says because, in some sense, he guess he is somewhat sorry. Losing your job is never a pleasant experience. At least his father is wealthy enough to not have to worry about finding another job anytime soon.

“Are you?” When Gakushuu doesn’t respond, he tries again. “You can answer honestly, I won’t mind.”

Gakushuu can’t tell if he’s lying or not but it’s always better to be safe than sorry. His father has proved on many a times that, yes, he very much does mind what Gakushuu says. “You were a good teacher.” Is what Gakushuu decides on. It’s not so much a lie; it’s just what Gakuhou wants to hear. 

His father hums to that.

“Will they be back tomorrow? Those government officials, I mean.”

“Ah, yes. Our business is not yet finished,” A pause. “And we’re receiving some protection from them while the general public…remains angry.”

The headline flashes in Gakushuu’s mind as well as the bottle filled with pee that almost hit him. He has a feeling they might need some protection for a very long time. He imagines what is to come- more headlines, news stories, public backlash, a reputation that they can never shake off.

Gakushuu’s not one to give into despair but the future looks bleak at best and at worst…

“Why did you do it?” The words come tumbling out. “Why did you…let Korosensei teach at Kunugigoaka?”

His father looks up from the table and maybe it’s the lighting or maybe it’s because Gakushuu’s starving or maybe it’s because of his age but his father looks _tired._ The bags under his eyes are practically bruises at this point and the wrinkles sewn into his face age him beyond his years.

“Honestly?” He asks and Gakushuu nods. He _would_ appreciate some honesty. “Money. And a chance to prove my educational philosophy trumps all.”

Gakushuu holds back a snide remark, something along the lines of ‘well look how that turned out’ but he doesn’t. His father is much too like a sad puppy and he would prefer to keep him like _that_ instead of angering him and making him fly into a rage. He doesn’t comment on the money part, on how they have more money that they actually need. Gakushuu wonders just how much the Ministry of Defence forked over.

“Good night, sir.”

“And you, Asano.”

It’s only when he’s in bed that night when he realises that he didn’t get anything to eat.

Ah well.

The next day is a Saturday but it’s also the Spring holidays so Gakushuu’s left twirling his thumbs in his house. His father’s face is plastered all over the news and papers. Hell, there’s even international media outlets talking about it, the alien behind the moon’s destruction and the man who sheltered it. Gakushuu supposes his on faux house arrest until it’s time for school again.

That would be fine on its own, some time alone doesn’t hurt, and it would allow him to plan out the next 3 academic years. But his father’s also currently going through the biggest PR nightmare of his life and the government told him to step down at the job he’s poured everything into for the last decade or so.

So, yeah. It could be worse, but it also could be better.

Every day is similar, with him tiptoeing around his father, as if the older man was a timebomb, just ready to go off. Gakushuu hopes that there won’t be an explosion, but he knows his father all too well.

The worst part is the secrecy, the hush hush nature of everything. Every time Karasuma or one of the other government agents come over, Gakushuu’s practically shooed upstairs, like a small child. He knows that Korosensei is _technically_ classified but he’s also dead and this concerns him too and Akabane told him everything he needs to know. But he can’t let _them_ know that _he_ knows about Korosensei and he can’t rat out Akabane (he might have more information for him down the line), so he keeps his mouth shut.

Most days, when he’s forced upstairs, he sits in his father’s study, which has a view of the front of the house, and watches the crowd of reporters, practically a permanent feature of the house now. At one point, someone starts to light Molotovs and then the police are called, and they don’t leave for 3 days. Gakushuu stops standing at his father’s study’s window when a reporter notices him and snaps a picture. It ends up in the newspaper the next day- ‘ _Damsel In Distress? The Elusive Only Child Of Gakuhou Asano’_.

If Gakushuu wasn’t able to distract himself for long periods of time by hyper concentrating on his work, he might’ve gone insane.

It’s 2 days before his first day of high school when someone new enters the house. She’s got short caramel hair and an air of importance about her. Not government affiliated but something similar. She also asks to meet Gakushuu privately which intrigues Gakushuu even more. He never gets visitors.

She asks to speak in his room and Gakushuu manages to narrow her down to a psychologist or from the local authority, based on the fact she’s choosing a familiar setting for Gakushuu; she wants him to feel relaxed. (Jokes on her, he walks on eggshells in this place) Neither option are very attractive prospects. He doesn’t need any diagnosing and he also doesn’t need protection.

She shuts the door behind her and asks if she can take a seat at his desk. Gakushuu takes a seat on his bed, legs crossed politely.

“I’m with child protective services,” She introduces. “But I guess you already figured that out, huh?”

Gakushuu nods curtly. “Yes. It was quite obvious,” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry to tell you but this won’t be necessary. I’m in no sense of endangerment living here.” Which is… a half truth. He’s only in danger if his father is in a certain mood which- hey, that’s manageable, right?

The woman frowns softly at that, her mouth twisted in a disbelieving smile. She pulls out a notebook from her shirt pocket and starts patting her pockets, presumably looking for a pen. She must not have one as she eyes the one by Gakushuu’s bedside table.

“Ah, sorry. I was in a rush this morning and must’ve forgotten a pen,” She gets up from her chair. “Do you mind if I use yours?”

Gakushuu leans over and offers the pen to her. “No, not at all.”

And then everything blurs slightly but the next thing Gakushuu knows, he’s been placed in a headlock, her grip surprisingly strong. His pen clatters to the floor, long forgotten. There’s also something being held against his throat, something long and cold. Gakushuu doesn’t have to look in a mirror to know it’s a knife. He takes a small breath in, his mind screaming at him to keep _calm._

“I guess you’re not with child protective services then.” He blurts out, unable to stop himself. If sarcasm is what helps him to keep his cool then so be it.

The woman, who’s way stronger than she looks, tightens her grip on him. Gakushuu’s hands fly up to her arm in an attempt to pry her off of him. It doesn’t work “Just be quiet and I won’t hurt you.” She hisses, her professional tone evaporating like an ester.

Gakushuu has a feeling he’s not in danger, that hurting him is the very last thing on this woman’s agenda. She’s already had loads of time to kill him which is a morbid thought but it’s _true._

“What are you hoping to achieve here? If we go downstairs, my father will see. He-” He cuts himself off. He was going to say that his father will do something but… would he? Gakushuu doesn’t want to think about the possibility that his father _won’t_ intervene, so he shakes it out of his head. “If it’s money you’re after, there’s hardly any physical notes kept here.”

“ _Shut up,_ ” She forces him to start walking, her knees pressing into the back of Gakushuu’s, causing his to buckle slightly.. “This is for your sake after all.”

That catches Gakushuu off guard. “M-My sake?”

She doesn’t answer him again and he has a feeling he should probably scream for help but the knife at his throat is an ever-present reminder of how little power he has currently. He can’t overpower her, and her grip is iron glad. Gakushuu’s never felt so helpless before in his life.

They begin to descend down the stairs and Gakushuu realises with abject horror that there’s people here. Karasuma, Jelavic and his father all sit around the table. Gakushuu’s watches his father’s face _fall_ , an expression similar to when he’d learnt that Gakushuu had came in second place. Karasuma immediately gets to his feet.

“Put the knife down!” He barks, eyes sharpening. He takes a step towards them and then the knife really _is_ pressing into Gakushuu’s throat. If he was to turn his head fast, he could slit his own neck, which is a self-destructive thought that he’ll analyse later but he’s currently too high on adrenaline to entertain such ideas.

“Stay back or I’ll kill him!” The woman threatens. “I swear to God, I’ll kill him.”

Okay so maybe being murdered _is_ on this woman’s to-do list.

His father’s eyes are scary, soulless. They remind Gakushuu of that week when he was 6 when his father didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, didn’t speak but just _stared_ at a basketball, the one meant for… _him._

“Unhand him,” His voice is almost robotic with rage. He’s _furious._ “ _Now._ ”

The woman doesn’t budge. “You aren’t the one calling the shots here. I’m…not gonna hurt him, not unless I have to.”

Jelavic, who remains seated with a neutral expression on her face, turns around in her chair. “What are you after? Ransom?”

“ _Irina!”_ Karasuma fumes at her. Jelavic only shrugs, as if to say, ‘I was just asking’.

“I wanted _him_ know,” She manages to waggle a finger near enough in Gakuhou’s direction. “Just how awful he is. He could’ve had all those children _killed!_ And don’t even get me started on how he treats his own son.”

Yikes.

Gakuhou’s face doesn’t move. “And what is it you’d like me to do?”

“Turn yourself in. You’ve managed to barter your way out of prosecution and that won’t do!” Despite the situation, Gakushuu’s learning a lot. For example, he’s learned that his father probably agreed to step down as principal in order to avoid jail time. Smart play on his behalf, if Gakushuu’s going to be honest. “You deserve to serve cold, hard time for what you’ve done!”

Gakushuu supposes that, deep down, she has the right idea. The execution, however, is the exact opposite of good intentions. Gakushuu sees this playing out, his father and the woman negotiating over terms and his safety. That could take forever and if his father could just end up figuring it’s more trouble than it’s worth which- _no._ If Gakushuu’s going to die before he turns 18, God fucking damnit, it’ll be on _his_ terms.

He notices that whenever the woman refers to his father, her arms shake a little, as if she holding back a tidal wave of emotions. Emotions make people weak and Gakushuu intends to exploit that.

“I’m sorry to rain on your parade,” His voice is a little more strained than usual, due to the pressure on his neck. “But he won’t do that.”

His father gives him an incredulous, scornful look. He can only imagine Knife Lady has a similar one. She takes the bait, “And why’s that?”

Gakushuu allows a small smile to himself. “He hates me. Despises me, even.”

“I- _What?!”_

“You said it yourself. If he did all _that_ to children who he saw for a few hours every day, imagine what he does to his own son at home,” Gakushuu’s been acting since he was a child, knows how to play the part of a sad, lonely child (it doesn’t take much imagination). He allows his voice to sound smaller, as if he’s admitting something that’s been weighing him down for a while. “Living here, it’s just _awful._ I’ve only not killed myself because of how scared I am in case it doesn’t work. I can already hear what he’d say, _you couldn’t even kill yourself right!_ ” He sniffs for added effect.

It works like a charm. Gakushuu feels the woman’s legs _tremor_ and the arm around his neck slackens ever so slightly. “You,” The woman’s fury boils over, clouding her judgement. “ _Monster!”_ As Gakushuu had expected, she, foolishly, waves the knife at Gakuhou, blinded by her own rage to realise she’s lost her leverage. Gakushuu sees his opening.

He launches a high kick at her armed hand, with enough force that the knife goes flying into the air. She’s too stunned to follow where’s its going as she turns her attention on Gakushuu, eyes honing in on him. “I was trying to help you!” She screams before she’s tackled to the floor by Karasuma, who pins her hands behind her back.

Gakushuu exhales and it feels like a weight’s just been lifted off his shoulders. He takes a few steps back from her and it’s only when he presses up against the wall he registers he’s shaking, albeit ever so slightly. His father’s on the phone to the police, demanding they come to the Asano residence immediately. He still looks angry. Jelavic finally gets up from her seat and gracefully walks over to Gakushuu, high heels clicking against the solid wood floor. She places her hands on Gakushuu’s back soothingly.

“Hey,” Her voice is soft, not like the usual gossipy tone that Gakushuu’s become accustomed to. “Let’s go to the kitchen, okay?”

Gakushuu finds himself nodding and lets her guide him into the kitchen, out of sight from the woman. She begins to boil the kettle, the sound of which masks his father’s voice. Gakushuu understands what she’s doing, trying to distract him, pull him out of the situation. It’s a pretty nice gesture, for a professional assassin.

He tells her as much. She blinks owlishly at him, clearly caught off guard.

“…Thanks? You know, I do have some morals,” She pulls out a mug. Gakushuu’s tongue to heavy to move, so he can’t tell her that’s one of the ‘display’ mugs and that the mugs that _are_ used are in the cabinet behind her. “For starters, I don’t take requests involving children.” Her English is good, perfect almost but there’s still a smidge of an Eastern European accent hidden beneath it.

“You took the job at Kunugigoaka.”

“That didn’t _technically_ involve children,” Gakushuu gives her a look. “Argh. You’re too smart for your own good.”

If Gakushuu had a penny for every time he heard that… “Thanks.”

Her face solidifies, becoming more serious. “You know, that was… pretty impressive, how you handled yourself back there. Most people would’ve freaked out,” A beat passes. “Ah but you’re not like most people, are you?”

Gakushuu shrugs his shoulders. “I guess not. The fact I’m currently talking to you, an assassin, while my father, an international disgrace to the teaching community, is on the phone to the police because of a woman who pretended to be with social services tried to kill me, who is currently being restrained by a government agent, probably proves I’m less than normal.”

She manages a small smile. “It’s a shame you weren’t in E Class,” She pours some water into his mug. “You and Korosensei would’ve gotten along like a house on fire.”

That’s something you don’t hear every day. It not only strokes Gakushuu’s ego but it also stokes his curiosity- a double whammy. “Really?”

“Oh, for sure. He would’ve been enamoured with you,” She adds a large amount of sugar to her tea. “You’s probably would’ve talked about what textbooks he’s memorised.”

Gakushuu opens his mouth to defend himself, that, _no_ , contrary to popular belief, he has neither the time nor effort to commit himself to such a task when he does a double take. “Wait…How do _you_ know that _I_ know about Korosensei?”

She jabs a finger over her shoulder. “Those two numbnuts might have shit for brains in terms of social skills but I’m good at picking up on the small things,” She takes a sip of her tea, poking her tongue out to test the temperature of it and recoiling when it’s still too hot. “That’s why you never try to listen in on any conversations, isn’t it? Because you already know everything.” She finishes with a polite smile.

Jelavic, as well as an assassin, is clearly sharp as a knife (oh…not really appropriate, is it?) if she’s able to see through him so easily. “Well, I don’t know _everything_ but enough to get a rough idea.”

“Enough to understand why E Class was like _that?”_

“Oh, yeah. Most definitely.”

They continue to make conversation in the kitchen, with his father routinely poking his head in to make sure Jelavic hasn’t whisked Gakushuu off to the fairies or something. Gakushuu learns a little more about E Class’ dynamic, how they came to be more a found family more than a group of students. It’s…sorta sweet? But his brain is still a little bit frazzled to contemplate the emotional growth of E Class.

Eventually, after what feels like an eternity, the police arrive and take the woman away, who’s now been reduced to a silent, steely glare. Before they go, his father demands to have some officers stationed at the front door, to do background checks and what not. Apparently the woman had showed a fake ID, claiming to work with the local authorities. The police officer they sent to their house looks a bit pained at the idea of giving up some of his men for door duty. He turns to Gakushuu.

“How old are you son?”

Gakushuu blinks. “Fifteen.”

“A _child_.” His father adds on.

The police officer sighs, knowing he can’t argue against that and tells the Asano’s he’ll see what he can do. They leave and Gakushuu has a feeling they’ll return in the morning. It’s late into the night now, the whole knife incident taking up way more time than expected. Whatever business his father had with Karasuma and Jelavic will have to be discussed another day as the two former teachers leave, with Jelavic giving Gakushuu a small thumbs up.

And then there was two. The low, buzzing noise has returned once more. They stand around not knowing what to do and it’s only then when Gakushuu realises the two of them haven’t exchanged a word to one another since the knife event. Gakushuu doesn’t really know what to say to him so he keeps quiet, looking around at the empty living room.

As his gaze travels over the couch, he forgets to stifle a yawn; he really _is_ tired. He wishes his father goodnight and moves to head upstairs when-

“You’re sleeping down here tonight.”

Gakushuu snaps his head around, at a whiplash inducing speed. “What? No.”

“Yes, you are. I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

And we’re back to the living, breathing security camera. “Don’t be absurd. My room is just fine,” He folds his arms over his chest. “I’m not sleeping while you watch. It’s creepy.”

Gakuhou’s eyes constrict. “I’m your father.” He offers as a valid protest, as if that means anything to Gakushuu. He hasn’t even called him father since he was a child.

Gakushuu raises an eyebrow. “It’s _weird_ , regardless of relationship to one another,” He relaxes his face. “I just want to be alone for a bit. Today has been… _eventful._ ”

Gakuhou doesn’t budge. “Not a chance.”

They stand there, in a deadlock. An unstoppable force meets an unmovable object. Gakushuu feels his eyelids getting heavier; he’ll fall asleep standing up if he doesn’t go to bed soon. Eventually, he concedes. “ _Fine._ I’ll sleep down here,” He grabs a blanket out from the sofa’s storage. “But on one condition; you can monitor but you can’t _watch._ I won’t be able to sleep if I feel your eyes burning into me. Go get your laptop and do work or something.” He mumbles the last part, too tired to properly care about the whole act he usually performs for his father.

To his surprise, his father agrees and makes Gakushuu come upstairs with him while he retrieves his laptop. He asks if the woman left anything in his room and Gakushuu offhandedly mentions the notebook. Gakuhou’s face darkens and he collects it, citing he’ll hold onto it in case the police need it. Gakushuu smells bullshit but doesn’t call him out on it.

They head back downstairs, with his father beginning to set up a workspace while Gakushuu lies down on the couch, allowing himself to hide under the blanket’s cosy embrace. He quickly drifts off to a dreamless sleep, one void of any piercing violet eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would u believe me that i cried after writing this chapter GAKUSHUU I PROMISE YOU UR GETTING HELP but also... HURT/comfort n aw that
> 
> gakuhou be like hate when u abuse a child n then they're distant with u #smh
> 
> also had a realisation that gakushuu would probably resist therapy at first cos he thinks his childhood was somewhat normal :((( im spain rn but without the s
> 
> karma's back next chapter pog....


	3. propane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> currently typing this with one hand cos ouch tattoo ouch
> 
> of course i support gakuhou's rights...... gakuhou's rights to shut the fuck up!!!

There’s an unspoken rule in the Asano household: don’t ask, don’t tell. The knife incident doesn’t get mentioned, Gakushuu’s outburst doesn’t get mentioned, his father’s face glitch doesn’t get mentioned. Gakushuu would probably be annoyed by it if he weren’t used to it already.

Besides, there’s no time left to devote towards mulling over _that_ event. It’s time for high school.

Trying to get there, however, is a struggle in itself. He’s not even out the door when his father’s already kicking up a fuss.

“You’ll be getting a lift to the campus.” He states, not looking up from his newspaper.

Gakushuu scoffs. “And have more projectiles aimed at us? No thanks. I’ll be walking.”

“Absolutely not,” The stony look is back on his father’s face. “If you think I’m letting you walk alone to school, then you are sorely mistaken.”

He’s been on hyper-alert mode since _that_ and it’s been nothing but an inconvenience. “I’m not a child.”

“Legally speaking, you are.”

Okay, that was a low bar set by Gakushuu. “I’m not a child who’s needs his hand held,” He clarifies. “I’ll be walking to school.” He says, tone unwavering.

They bicker a little more and it’s eventually agreed on that Gakushuu will walk to school, with Gakuhou following behind in his car. It’s annoying and less than ideal but Gakushuu knows it’s that only option, bar taking the car to school.

He sets off for school early in the morning, which means there’s hardly anyone outside his house. They’d slowly deceased in numbers over the holidays, due to a lack of results and the increase of police presence. The car follows him right to the school gate. It's mortifying, having to be _walked_ to school.

With the removal of Principal Asano comes the removal of the E Class system. The new principal, the former head of science in the junior high, is young and brash; she had never been silent on her disapproval of Gakuhou’s teaching philosophy. He arrives 5 minutes early to homeroom and looks for his assigned seat on the sheet of paper plastered on the chalkboard.

He’s sat next to Akabane, who is (surprisingly) early for class and is (unsurprisingly) already wearing that black blazer of his. He’s not student council president (yet) so he doesn’t have any ‘official’ power over Akabane, but he does give the other a reprimanding look. Akabane sticks out his tongue at him.

“Ah, the princess returns from the tower,” He jokes, obviously referencing the title the media had given Gakushuu. “How was thy fair maiden’s holidays?”

Gakushuu thinks on it. Best not to get into semantics. “It was okay. I caught up with schoolwork,” It’s the truth but not the _whole_ truth. “Yours?”

Nonchalance oozes out of Akabane as he waves his hand dismissingly. “Same soup, just reheated,” He narrows his eyes. “…What do you mean caught up, it’s the first day!”

“I intend to run for student council president. I’ll be busy so I’ve done some work in preparation.”

Before Akabane can respond to that (probably going to say something about, in a twisted turn of fate, _he_ was running for student council president), the Virtuoso’s enter Class 1-A and all hell breaks loose.

“Asano! Is it true that-“

“There was an alien on campus and-

“We never knew-

“Asano! Did _you_ know?”

Gakushuu feels Akabane staring at him, clearly interested in what Gakushuu’ll say next. He can’t very much tell them that he’s known for two or so weeks because then they’ll get frustrated and start asking why Gakushuu didn’t tell them and that’s a bit too messy for a Monday morning. So he lies.

“I only found out when the newspaper’s picked up on it,” Which is, again, somewhat of the truth. “I’ve tried to listen in on some of my father’s conversations.”

Araki shakily pushes his glasses up further. “Even my _father_ never knew. I just-… it seems so surreal,” He fiddles with his tie. “We went to school with that, that… _thing_!”

“Aw, c’mon guys. That’s no way to talk about Asano, not when he’s right there!” Akabane snorts and then, that gets the Virtuoso’s attention. Gakushuu chooses to ignore the jab.

“Akabane,” Seo leans on his desk, invading Akabane’s personal space. “You were in E Class. Is it true? You were _assassins?_ ”

“What, Korosensei? Yeah, course it’s true,” He says with a grin. “Or…maybe it’s not. They say alien but what if Korosensei was just a regular, human teacher. What if that assassin training we got was just parkour.”

“Wha-“

Akabane swings back in his chair. “If you want the unfiltered, unbiased truth, it’ll cost you a pretty penny.”

Sakakibara’s hands are smoothing out his hair, a reflexive calming action. “How much?”

“Who says I accept monetary payment?” He faux pouts. “That’s bribery which is Kunugigoaka’s school wide rules.”

“Then what _do_ you accept?”

Akabane grins once more and the bell rings, signalling the start of class. Gakushuu’s not sure he wants to hear what Akabane had to say anyways.

Their homeroom teacher enters and with the look she gives Gakushuu, she’s clearly not thrilled about the whole Korosensei thing either. She introduces herself before mentioning the elephant in the room.

“I’m sure you all would have heard the news, regarding our partner school Kunugigoaka Junior High. Letters are being sent to your home addresses explaining the matter further. All I wanted to say is that I can assure you, nothing like that can or will happen here,” She gets up from her desk, face sharpening into one of determination. “You are tomorrow’s future, after all. It would be unfitting to concentrate on the past.”

Lessons proceed and while the material isn’t anything new, it gives Gakushuu a new distraction. No longer will he have to stare mindlessly at his wall when he now has partial fractions and a lengthy novel to churn through.

At lunch time, he sits with the Virtuoso’s, trying his best to ignore the dirty looks he’s receiving.

Seo picks up on it. “Oh, the price of being an Asano.” He mocks.

Sakakibara kicks him under the table. “Stop being an ass.”

“Ow! I was only joking!”

“Yahoo!” A voice calls out from the other side of the cafeteria. It’s lilt and over-friendless could only mean one person.

Akabane plops himself down next to Koyama, throwing his meagre lunch on the table. Gakushuu eyes the strawberry milk cartons.

“Those things are full of sugar, you know.” He makes a point of drinking some water.

Akabane ignores him, instead passionately talking to Araki about some new show on Netflix. Gakushuu rolls his eyes but allows Akabane to stay, as a thank you for the information he provided.

The rest of the day carries out as usual. Asano leaves later than the other students, not wanting to be seen being followed by a car home. That would be... detrimental to his social status.

Akabane appears to be hanging around the school gate, standing up straighter when he notices Gakushuu.

“Were you waiting for me?” He asks, already spotting a government car waiting for him. He breaths a sigh of relief to himself; his father must still be at home.

Akabane grins. “Maybeeee,” He drawls, kicking a pebble idly. “Now that we’re outta there, I have a question to ask you.”

Gakushuu crosses his arms over his chest. “Go ahead.”

It’s not a bad a question as he was expecting- “How was your holidays?”

Gakushuu frowns instantaneously. “I already told you, it was-“

There’s a shift in Akabane’s facial expression, like a switch being flipped from ‘off’ to ‘on’. “Cut the crap, alright?” His tone is decidedly sharper than usual, determination seeping into his words like mucus. “I know what happened.”

Gakushuu feels a dull vibration run up and down his spine, like a child playing the xylophone for the first time. There’s no way he can know about _that_ so Gakushuu plays dumb. “Know what?”

Akabane’s brow creases. “I know about, yknow, _that_.”

“Akabane, I don’t have time for-“

“The whole hostage situation!” Akabane exclaims, waving his hands off to the side.

Gakushuu’s pace falters a little at that. It wouldn’t have been noticeable to most people but Gakushuu watches Akabane’s eyes flicker down for a brief moment. Of course, _he’d_ notice.

Gakushuu wants to explain how it wasn’t a hostage situation, that he was perfectly in control but that’ll come off as pathetic and if there’s anything that Gakushuu isn’t, it’s pathetic.

Thankfully, Akabane fills the silent void. “I wanted to say I’m sorry,” He explains. “Sorry, that happened. Must’ve been scary.”

Oh. That was unexpected. “I’ve experienced worse,” Gakushuu shrugs it off, taking in Akabane’s whole appearance. The other’s looking away; he’s trying to play it off by pretending to be interested by something in the distance but it’s clear as day he’s slightly embarrassed. Embarrassed…by being friendly? No. He feels _bad._ Something in Gakushuu’s stomach twists. “And I don’t need your pity.” He catches himself saying, keeping his tone low, as he heads towards the school gate. Whatever government agent is driving the car must’ve received Gakushuu’s signal as the car comes to life, preparing to leave the car park.

Akabane’s look is incredulous, his hands placed securely on his hips. “It’s not pity, Asano. I’m trying to be _nice._ ”

That stops Gakushuu in his tracks. Yeah, sure, what Akabane is saying _can_ and _probably is_ considered nice but it’s also Akabane we’re talking about here. The same guy who probably spent his holidays beating up delinquents and organising money laundering schemes. Akabane isn’t _nice_ , at least not to Gakushuu so this ruse is concerning, to say the least. Gakushuu knows an underlying motive when he sees one, even if he doesn’t know the extent of Akabane’s diabolical plan.

“Well, I don’t your niceties,” He refutes stuffily. “I am very much fine.” 

He continues to walk, ignoring Akabane’s grotesque swearing from behind him. Even though Gakushuu’s sure they live in the same side of town, Akabane makes a point of turning right at the school gate, likely so he wouldn’t have to walk home with Gakushuu.

Something along the lines of venom pools in Gakushuu’s mind, ready and eager to strike. He finds himself calling out, “Oh, and Akabane.”

Akabane glances over his shoulder, gaze unreadable.

Old habits die hard, Gakushuu supposes. Like a spear, he launches his words at Akabane, “I suggest you adhere to the school uniform for tomorrow. It wouldn’t be acceptable to receive a demerit this early on in the year.”

Akabane rolls his eyes and doesn’t look back again, sauntering away in the other direction. Not that Gakushuu has much time to think about it- the car pulls up besides him, a constant reminder of who he is and the limitations of his freedom. Gakushuu allows himself a brief look at his reflection in the black mirror of the glass. He doesn’t recognise the boy who looks back.

Whatever.

When he gets back home, having been escorted to the front door by one of the police officers permanently stationed outside, it’s to a screaming match. This is unusual on several conditions- usually there’s no one but his father in the house and even when he _does_ have company, he’s not usually shouting at them.

He peeks his head around the corner. The argument- it’s with Karasuma. Neither of them have spotted him yet so Gakushuu hides , in attempt to listen in. Even in his father’s most serious disagreements, he never raises his voice, opting for the low, cool tone that he knows strikes fear into the hearts of most.

“You agreed to those terms when you signed the contract!” That’s Karasuma. Gakushuu can practically envision his face, brows pulled down into a scowl.

“After what happened, I believe that clause is now null and void,” And that’s his father. “Redraft another contract without that clause and I’ll happily sign again.”

“What happened to your son won’t happen this time. It’ll be government approved and affiliated. Hypothetically, if a similar situation were to occur, and you’ll notice I’m using the word _were_ , we would take full responsibility. You’d be able to sue us for millions. Billions, even.”

“I’m not risking my son’s life for the chance to pocket some profit,” His father spits. “Rewrite the contract.”

A pause. “The whole reason you’ve avoided jail time was mainly because it was to be believed that you would receive psychiatric help. The board also finds it appropriate for your son to seek similar treatment.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my son!”

Karasuma chokes on air. “I- You can’t be fucking serious.”

“You’re not a parent, _Karasuma._ I don’t expect you to understand.”

“I hardly think having children is a requirement for empathy. The board found, that, by allowing Korosensei to teach at Kunugigoaka Junior High, you actively endangered the lives of all students present. That includes your son. The board, therefore, concluded that Asano’s homelife couldn’t have been any better.”

“You have some nerve-“

“I suggest you agree to the contract, before I get social services involved.”

That must throw his father through a loop as the man actually _stutters._ “Are- Are you _threatening_ me?”

“And if I am?”

There’s a long, drawn out silence. Gakushuu can hear the blood rushing in his ears, his tongue lies heavy in his mouth. A beat goes by, followed by another. Then, there’s a ruffle of fabric and a _thud._ Gakushuu can already picture what’s happening. His body’s frozen in place, caught between a rock and a hard place. He could, hypothetically, sneak upstairs to the safety of his room, away from his father, away from this dilemma. He shouldn’t even be listening in. But that would leave Karasuma, down here alone in the lion’s den.

Karasuma may be a government agent but he’s never dealt with Gakuhou Asano. Gakushuu would bet good money that his father is scarier than any unkillable alien with a penchant for teaching.

Gakushuu weighs up the pros and cons in his head and ultimately makes his decision when he remembers that Karasuma has been nothing but nice to him.

He turns the corner, wearing his best brave face and is confronted with exactly what he imagined.

His father has Karasuma pressed up the wall, his arm leaning on his throat. His father’s taller, albeit only by a bit but Karasuma’s legs are close to buckling. Karasuma’s face is twisted with anger, dark eyes widening when he notices Gakushuu’s presence.

His father picks up on Karasuma’s reaction and looks around, dropping his arm. His face is neutral, as if his son hadn’t just caught him assaulting a federal agent. “Asano.”

Gakushuu doesn’t know what to say, his gaze flickering between Karasuma and his father. He opts to heads upstairs to his bedroom without another glance towards the two adults, his hands tingling. He closes the door behind him and wishes for it to remain closed for the rest of the night, his mind repeating ‘ _you shouldn’t have done that, he’ll be mad’_ over and over again, a mantra.

When he awakes the next morning, the orange morning glow casting his bedroom in a warm wave of colour, he takes as long as possible getting ready for school, hoping to not encounter his father. When he does make the perilous journey downstairs, purposely keeping his footsteps light, his father nods at him, his signal for ‘good morning’.

It’s on days like those Gakushuu’s glad for the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy they seem to have adopted. It works out more often than not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> karasuma, after teaching e class for a year: okay guess im a dad now. bless him, he's just tryna do his job
> 
> asano really do be like i am fine, yes this is a completely normal life i lead


	4. butane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> three person chess is fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lay down your tear stained tissues, my dear readers, for gakushuu sees a medical professional in this chapter (albeit very grudgingly)
> 
> this chapter sees the introduction of a rather important oc- kanna! she first made her appearance in [binomial theorem](https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/27711565). i love her very much and she will defo be returning this fic!! cos i know it doesn't seem like it but i am DRAGGING the asano's to therapy even if it fukcinh kills me
> 
> um i am but a humble first year psych student who is failing so uh. take everything kanna says about actually psychology with a spoonful of salt unless stated otherwise *cries in losing 5% of grade cos idk how to code*

Gakushuu soon finds out what clause his father was talking about, a psychologist. Apparently, from what snooping around Gakushuu managed, she’s the head of Psychology at the University of Tokyo and also a part time profiler for the federal government. Gakushuu imagines her time must cost a pretty penny, not that he’s worried about her impact finically.

His father’s mandated to see her for at _least_ 18 months but Gakushuu’s time with her has no boundaries, no limits. Gakushuu aims to make it a one session kind of deal, in and out, effective. She’s clearly a very important woman, there’s no reason she should waste her time talking to Gakushuu about menial things such as stress and ‘how’s high school treating you?’.

It’s too much effort to get the Asano’s to her office, snuggled deep within the university’s campus so she’s brought to them- arguably what his father was kicking off about.

(That reminds Gakushuu, he hasn’t seen Karasuma since.)

She’s escorted into the Asano residence by government agents, seemingly calm despite having to be _personally_ delivered to clients.

“Hello, it’s nice to finally meet you both,” She takes a seat at the head of the dinner table. Gakushuu feels a disturbance in the force, swears that his father’s eyebrow falters, as if her sitting at the top of the table was some sick display of power. “My name is Dr Yamashiro, but I would prefer if you referred to me as Kanna.”

She’s very well-spoken, with a glint in her eye that means _business,_ as she clasps her hands in front of her.

“I’m Gakuhou Asano but I’m sure you’ve already been made aware of this,” He motions loosely in Gakushuu’s direction. “This is my son, Gakushuu.”

That catches Gakushuu off, if only for a second. He can’t remember the last time his father called him that. “Nice to meet you.” Gakushuu tilts his head slightly. It’s through, admittedly, clenched teeth. It’s not nice to meet her, he doesn’t need to meet her, shouldn’t have to meet her, doesn’t want to meet her (but when does anyone here listen to what he has to say). He puts on his polite smile and allows himself to drift into the cold, familiar and overall _distant_ persona he’s crafted.

She’s like an iron, intending to smooth over wrinkles and creases. She might as well be a jackhammer. Yamashiro wants to speak to Gakushuu first but his father pipes up. She doesn’t seem fazed by the objection.

“I can speak with you first, Mr Asano. To clear up any doubts you may have about me.”

His father doesn’t emote often, too busy hiding behind a wall he built himself, but when he does, _oh._ He’s clearly unconvinced by her, face twisted in a way that seems unnatural. His arms are crossed over his suit, one of his nicer ones- another sick way of establishing dominance.

Gakushuu’s ordered up to his room, while they talk downstairs, with Yamashiro citing that there will be a time and a place for group therapy later on. Gakushuu doesn’t know why but he takes that as a threat. He has a lot of personal hells (going back to the week _he_ died, being locked in a small space with Akabane for a month, being forced to eat all the hardened clumps of chewing gum from underneath school desks, the pole toppling event) and speaking about his feelings (never mind with his father) ranks in the top five.

As he rots away patiently in his room (god, he never realised how boring it was), he thinks to himself that his father really must’ve sound proofed the house; it’s impossible to hear a word the two adults are saying.

He rereads a chapter of a book he didn’t grasp fully until there’s a sharp knock at his door. It’s not his father- he never visits. He opens the door to Yamashiro, who looks slightly more tired than when Gakushuu last saw her.

He supposes it’s easier to let the current take you than to fight, so he side steps, allowing her access to his small haven. A small, taunting voice in his head whispers something about checking her for weapons. Gakushuu wafts it away.

“As I’ve already introduced, my name is Kanna. I look forward to working with you. From what I’ve read, you’re a very intelligent young man.”

The thought of having some sort of...file makes Gakushuu’s skin crawl and his stomach lurch. Oh submitting to the terrifying ordeal of being known.

“I noticed when I was speaking to both you and your father, you didn’t seem very happy. I was wondering if you could tell me why that is.”

Gakushuu’s mind plays his psychology lessons on repeat. Client-based therapy. Open ended questions. She’s trying to coax him into speaking. Gakushuu will shut this notion down at once. “I don’t believe I need this, Dr Yamashiro. I don’t see why I’m in need of your psychiatric help.” Blunt. Decisive. Best not to leave anything to imagination.

Yamashiro clicks her pen at that, a curious glimmer in her eyes. “Oh. Is that right?”

Gakushuu nods. “Yes. I’m-, I’m fine. I would accept your help if it were necessary, but I can assure you, I’m fine.”

“You don’t have to be ‘not-fine’ to require my help. Most of my clients are perfectly functional human beings,” Yamashiro rationalises. “Even just talking about how your day-to-day life plays out can result in benefits.” 

Gakushuu isn’t one to argue with strangers, it doesn’t fit his character. So, he doesn’t bring up the fact that he doesn’t need such benefits, that he _really_ doesn’t want to speak about his day-to-day life. He’s sure Yamashiro both means well but she’s wasting her time. He lowers his head ever so slightly and mulls over things he _wishes_ he could say (this will be an epic shower argument, he decides).

Yamashiro hands him a pen and paper. “Even if you’re sure you don’t require these sessions, we might as well just use the rest of the time you have now. I would like you to complete an exercise if that’s okay with you.”

“What kind of exercise?”

“A remembrance task. I would like you to write down what you did for your past 10 or so birthdays,” She makes a circular motion with her hand. “Feel free to mention any detail that stands out to you, no matter how small.”

Gakushuu blinks. “I’m quite a boring person.”

“I can’t imagine you’re as boring as me.” She says with a smile.

He looks down at the sheet of paper he was given, twirling the pen unconsciously in his hand. Some are easier than others- for his fifteenth, he studied. For his fourteenth, thirteenth, twelfth, he studied. For his eleventh, he was alone. The others are tournaments, recitals or days spent as normal.

The kickers are birthdays number six and seven. Six… he _should_ remember but its fuzzy in his head. He briefly sees a vision of his father ( _who’s younger and whose hair is a fiery warm brown and whose eyes sparkle when he sees Gakushuu and there’s a laugh and he’s smiling, with his eyes crinkling at the corners)_ but that scares him more than the man sitting downstairs in the kitchen, so he expels it away from his mind. 

Seven was after _him._ It’s fuzzy too but while birthday six was nostalgic peach fuzz, birthday seven is harsh, distorted sandpaper. He remembers one thing and one thing clearly- his father’s stare. Cold, dead, unforgiving, sharper than glass. It’s the glare he gives when he wordlessly walks past Gakushuu and although he doesn’t say anything to him, the message is clear. This is not a day to be celebrated and you are not special.

He hands the paper back over, watching as Yamashiro’s eyes sort through the new data. She hums at the end, seemingly satisfied by his answers.

“I think it would be best to consider continuing our sessions.”

Gakushuu reads between the lines, _hard._ “I don’t require diagnosing.”

“I never said my services would involve diagnosis,” Yamashiro defends, crossing her legs perfectly. Gakushuu notices that it’s a practiced method, with the way her legs robotically moved. “At the very least, even if you think you don’t need my help, I think it would be best to continue our sessions together. For starters, I think I’ll need a second opinion, regarding your father.”

“Excuse me?”

Yamashiro looks a little bit embarrassed. “I won’t break client-doctor confidentially but your father, as you probably know, is, ah, quite a difficult man. He has 18 months of mandated sessions with me, but those sessions will all be for nought if he doesn’t make the most of them. I suspect he has already lied to me on numerous topics.”

Gakushuu decides to put her to the test, the make it or break it. With an eyebrow raised, he puts forward his bishop, “Did you comment on it?”

Yamashiro looks mildly amused, the ghost of a lopsided smirk on her face. Knight to C3. “Of course not. I’ve dealt with others like your father before, albeit not nearly as extreme. It’s best to try hold as many cards as possible so that you always maintain the upper hand. I intend to trip your father up, as a way for him to realise that first, you can’t get away with lying to me and secondly, that such actions have consequences.” Her voice- it isn’t quite the acidity of, say, Akabane’s but it’s without the iciness and malice of his father’s. It’s something different altogether- raw, unfiltered _willpower_.

Gakushuu can’t help but let confusion flash on his face, can’t hide behind his persona this time. Checkmate. “That is-, you aren’t-“

“I suppose I’m not what you envisioned when you were told you’d be speaking to a psychologist,” She smiles. “That’s alright, I get it a lot.”

Gakushuu’s sure she does.

She leaves the Asano residence with a polite smile and another appointment for next week, for both of them. Gakushuu wistfully watches her being driven away and in the reflection of the glass, notices his father dwelling on something, his hand poised under his chin.

“That woman,” He starts. “I don’t think she’s suitable at all.”

Ah. Yamashiro has obtained the advantage point in that regard as well. Check-fucking-mate, Yamashiro, check-fucking-mate indeed. Gakushuu doesn’t respond back (it’s simply not his place to) but he can’t help but think to himself that _she’s disgustingly suitable._

Gakushuu slinks away back to his room, mind still reeling from today, from Yamashiro and her mental chess and her sharp eyes that seemed to see through Gakushuu as if he were glass.

When he trudges down the stairs for dinner that night, his father hands him a box. “This was in the mail for you.”

Sure enough, it’s addressed to Gakushuu Asano. Gakushuu doesn’t mention the fact he hasn’t ordered anything because, _hey,_ a bomb threat would really spice up his life up around now.

He opens it in his room, away from the prying eyes of his father. To his surprise, inside are…toys. A green, rubber knife and a BB gun. Gakushuu frowns, examining the knife. It’s dull and when he pings it back, it makes a dull ‘boing’ noise. It would be amusing if he had any idea what he was looking at.

There’s a note at the bottom, hidden away.

‘Tell Karasuma I gave you this and I’ll kill you myself -A.K.’

Of course. Who else could it be.

Gakushuu sends him a message, typing one handed as he continues to hold the knife.

**[asano: What the fuck am I looking at? Toys?]**

Akabane's response is almost instantaneous. Gakushuu internally groans- of _course_ he was waiting for Gakushuu to message him.

**[akabane: what we used to kill korosensei last year. those were my spares]**

**[asano: And you gave them to me because?]**

**[akabane: i got sick of looking at them. don’t have the heart to throw the out plus theyre government level 1 restricted items so id have to incinerate them n that’s EFFORT so u can have them. i guess]**

**[akabane: if u don’t want them im sure u have an incinerator somewhere]**

Gakushuu weighs up the gun in his hand. It’s weighted like a real one, but the sheen of plastic gives it away. Whatever Korosensei was, meant he was vulnerable to this. Gakushuu figures that Akabane will want these back at some point but it gives him a window of opportunity. It’ll be a little tight, but he supposes he can fit this chemical research into his schedule, if he cuts back a bit on sleep and exercise.

He pings the knife once more. What an odd development. He adds ‘comical weaknesses’ to the ever-expanding list of ‘what was Korosensei, exactly?’ and ponders briefly on how studying polymers that could kill biological engineered aliens became the new norm for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wasp: i will pepper in the fact karma has trauma (there's other reasons he's giving away those anti-sensei weapons :(( )
> 
> gakushuu might be getting therapy but my god. he does know how to fight. now he just has to realise that HEY ITS OKAY TO RELY ON PEOPLE!!!!! 
> 
> karasuma's not dead btw this fic might be angsty but its not THAT angsty (oo boy just wait till we get to the ikeda stuff :D)


	5. pentane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fair warning, this isn't my fave chapter in terms of plot, pacing, etc but i have come to terms with that pentane is simply a stepping stone for hexane. oh boy i cant wait for that gamer
> 
> this chapter does see karma again yayyyyyyy (i promise we will get to /his/ trauma but first some terribad things have to happen first :(( )
> 
> tags have been updated. dont smoke kids!!!
> 
> [i am once again recommending STRIKE 3 by ferry cos its cathartic to me and i might have listened to it non-stop while writing this chapter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nluo1sJkHHs)

Gakushuu runs for student council president and while he doesn’t exactly lose, he doesn’t win either. He’s elected as Vice President, which he takes a personal attack but the Virtuoso’s all hype him up and even Akabane flashes him a grin so he supposes it can’t be _that_ bad.

He’ll just refrain from telling his father. A vice is second to the president and second is worse than nothing in the Asano household.

Still, he’s a little proud. Next appointment, Yamashiro asks about school, so he tells her instead.

“Well, I’ve ranked nationally before and Kunugigoaka is one of the best schools in Japan,” He pauses. “I was elected Vice President of the student council a few days ago.”

“Good job on snagging Vice President, I was never popular enough to run,” She laughs self-deprecatingly. “But I was _actually_ asking about your relationship with your peers,” She pushes her glasses up a little higher on her nose. “Friends, acquaintances, enemies, girlfriends, boyfriends, any others.”

Gakushuu feels his face heat up a little in embarrassment. “I have a small group of friends. Sakakibara, Koyama, Seo and Araki. They’re, well, a little bit silly but they’re nice. And smart,” Gakushuu pauses. “We were known at the Virtuoso’s during junior high,” He feels like he should know more about his friends, beyond their academics. “Akabane is a rival, on every level including physical and I don’t have time for romance.”

He expects Yamashiro to pick up on the fact that he’s only ever been friends with other intelligent individuals, or maybe how Akabane’s on his level in _everything._ Instead, what she picks up on is- “You don’t seem to call your friends by their given names. Why is that?”

“It’s polite.” Is his automatic response.

“…What would you call me?”

“Dr Yamashiro.”

“Even though I gave you permission to call me by my given name?”

“I wouldn’t want to undermine your doctorate.”

“Gakushuu, calling me by my first name isn’t undermining my studies.”

“To me, it is.”

Her gaze sharpens, like the lens of a microscope. “You’re lying to me.”

Ah. Maybe she wasn’t lying about seeing through lies thing. “If you know me so well, what’s the truth?” He snaps acidly at her. It’s childish plan but it works for most people. Show them your fangs and they’ll back off, leave you alone-

“You’re scared of letting people in. You hold everyone at arm’s distance, beyond the point of professionalism, in order to keep others out. You seem to squirm when I call you by your first name and your father has only referred to you as Asano which makes me belief you heard it a long time. This culture of using last names is clearly inherited from him,” Her hands clasp together. “Don’t take this the wrong way. It’s not a fault, nor a diagnosis. Just a mere observation.”

Gakushuu feels like he’s just been shot point blank. “I-“

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

“I don’t-,” Gakushuu knits his brow into a frown. “You already know the answer to that.”

She exhales slowly. “For next week, a little homework, if that’s alright with you.”

Gakushuu’s still recovering from being exposed like that so he tries to play it off with a joke. “I would prefer algebraic integration if I get a choice.”

“Ah, it’s not academic, I’m afraid. I would like you to try call people by their first names this week.” 

“I can’t call my father his first name.” Oh, he can’t even imagine the punishment he’d receive if he called his father by his first name. Forget counting lashes or being forced to bed with no dinner, Gakushuu would hung, drawn and quartered!

“Well, of course, but I was more so meaning your friends,” She smiles, that same smile as last time. “You don’t even have to explain what you’re doing this for if you don’t want to. I want to show you the benefits of showing gratitude to others, even if it’s just by calling them their first name.”

“Okay, Dr-“ He cuts himself off when Yamashiro raises an eyebrow. “Kanna.”

After his appointment (he can’t lie to himself and say it _wasn’t_ one, he might as well just accept he’s seeing a psychiatrist) he goes downstairs and almost immediately regrets it. His father is sitting at the kitchen table, head down, a shadow cast on him. From the way his back jolts upwards every so often, it’s not difficult to see that he’s _crying._ That worries Gakushuu, his blood turning to ice his veins. His father never cries, didn’t even cry for _his_ death, always called it a sign of weakness, mocked Gakushuu as a child for crying. Something must be up.

But Gakushuu isn’t ready for that.

He’s long used to the ‘principal’ façade his father has hid behind for so long. Seeing his father’s blotchy face and swollen eyes will shatter that façade like glass and its that façade that lets Gakushuu (as Yamashiro- _Kanna_ \- had put it) keep his father at arm’s length.

Gakushuu is not the person he wishes he could be for his father, for he is a coward, a dog that runs away at the first sight of danger with his tail between his legs. And so, Gakushuu quietly leaves his house, a practiced routine of making sure to open the door just right as so the hinge doesn’t squeak out. The agents outside his door raise an eyebrow and he explains his father needs some alone time (which is not the truth but Gakushuu is _scared,_ okay?) and that he’s going for a walk (which is the truth).

He wonders aimlessly, no real sense of direction. It’s late so near enough everything is shut but it’s almost summer so it’s hardly dark. He doesn’t have his headphones with him (too focused on leaving his house undetected by the crying security camera), so he’s left alone with his thoughts, most of which involve Kanna seeing through him. He can only imagine the reason for his father’s breakdown stems from her as well.

It takes a lot to make a grown man cry. It takes something short of a miracle to make Gakuhou Asano cry.

Gakushuu finds himself at the park near his house. It’s usually abandoned now, most children in this area are around his age now so Gakushuu’s surprised to see someone (or something- all he can see is the shadowy outline) sitting in the slide.

Maybe it’s his curiosity or maybe it’s because he’s _lonely_ but Gakushuu walks around the slide and sticks his head out, intending to see who exactly is spending such a night in a place like this.

Of course, he failed to remember that the universe kinda fucking hates him and tends to throw curveballs at him.

This curveball comes in the shape of a curled up Akabane. He’s hidden by a veil of smoke- there’s a cigarette in his hand. Gakushuu jumps back a little, not expecting to see _those_ mercury-coloured eyes here.

“Smoking’s bad for you.”

“And a good evening to you too,” Akabane clambers out of the tunnel. His eyes glance over Gakushuu’s appearance. “You look like shit.”

Well, sure, his uniform is wrinkled and his tie askew and hair frazzled but it’s not the worst he’s ever looked. “You’re one to talk.” He shoots back. The dirty hoodie stained with ash is hardly fashion week worthy.

Akabane makes a point of taking a drag of his cigarette, blowing the smoke in Gakushuu’s direction. “I’m flattered,” He coos. “What brings you out here to this neck of the woods?”

“I live near here. This park- I used to play here when I was little.”

Akabane lowers his head as a grin spreads on his face. “Fancy that. We live near each other.”

Gakushuu frowns at that. “I never saw you as a child.” He would certainly remember a boy that looked like him, with red hot hair and a wicked smile to boot.

“Maybe I didn’t want to be found,” Akabane replies cryptically, eyes trailing off to focus on something in the distance. “Doesn’t answer my question though. Why are you here this late? Children like you normally have a curfew.”

“I had…an appointment. And I needed air.”

“Therapy?” Akabane asks as a joke but Gakushuu nods and Akabane must realise that his joke wasn’t funny in the first place. He flicks his cigarette onto the ground, stomping out the cinders before inviting Gakushuu to come sit next to him on the ground.

It’s an odd request but this is an odd meeting and Akabane is an odd individual so Gakushuu agrees.

“They’re making us see a psychiatrist,” It comes out like an admission of guilt. “Well, they’re making my father see one. I’ve got less of a defined schedule.”

He doesn’t know why he’s being so… _open_ with Akabane, so visible. He knows he’ll regret at some point or another but Gakushuu’s prone to self-sabotage, wants to see the fallout. The Virtuoso’s have tried to see past the looking glass before and Gakushuu pulled the curtains shut on them. So why is Akabane different? Perhaps it’s in return for the information on Korosensei, the plastic weapons. Perhaps, it’s because he sees himself in Akabane, going beyond the physical similarities they share. Perhaps it’s because Akabane’s the only real person who he can tell. The Virtuoso’s are a no go; Gakushuu refuses to let them enter the sphere of his father’s influence ever again. They got burnt once and badly so- Gakushuu won’t let that happen again. His other classmates are too detached from all, some of them still place Gakushuu on a pedestal.

Akabane, however, is isolated from it all. Maybe it’s due to the physical barrier the End Classroom provided him or maybe it’s because of his personality or maybe it’s both. There’s no strings attached but even if there was, he’d likely cut them himself. That’s just the kind of person Akabane is.

Gakushuu breathes out shakily, feeling as if he’s just been underwater for a very long time. If Akabane picks up on it, which he most certainly does, he doesn’t comment.

“Huh. So that’s why your old man never got arrested.” Akabane scratches his chin, his mercury eyes fluttering shut momentarily. “Karasuma wouldn’t spill the beans. Tight lipped bastard.”

There’s that teacher of his again. Gakushuu smells something fishy. The dots align in his head. Not related but something else is there. “You appear to be close.”

Akabane’s face shifts. This must be a sore subject. “Kinda. He’s just checking up on me or whatever,” He scuffs his shoe idly, kicking up small clouds of dust. “He said it’s that or become a ward of the state, which, yeah, _no._ ”

Gakushuu so desperately wants to ask Akabane, to confirm his suspicions but from the way Akabane’s shoulders have hunched to the way he’s never mentioned them, Gakushuu knows a stagnant topic when he sees ones He concludes they must be dead and files the case under ‘solved’ in his head.

“My father tried to hurt Karasuma.” It comes out on its own but Gakushuu doesn’t regret saying it. Akabane seems to care about the man and in a way, Gakushuu thinks he does too. Gakushuu also knows how vindictive and vicious his father can be and how lucky Karasuma is to still be alive.

_(He is acutely reminded of one particularly nasty argument where his father had implied that Gakushuu could die and he could cover it up, to the point where there wouldn’t be any proof he existed. No birth record, no death record, his friends forgetting about him. Gakushuu’s chases it away.)_

“What.”

“He tried to- I saw him,” Gakushuu holds his own arm around his neck and tries to press hard to signal choking. But that brings back a feeling of dread and a chill runs down his spine, so he drops his arm fast. “I stopped him but-“

“How can they let you live there.” Akabane’s voice is chilling. Like a pot about to boil over, he seems to be trying his best not to combust. He doesn’t meet Gakushuu’s eyes.

“Me?”

“That man. He’s. He’s dangerous,” Akabane finally meets his gaze. “He doesn’t hurt _you…_ does he?” He asks. Gakushuu knows that Akabane doesn’t want it to be true.

But it is the truth. At least there’s a bright side. “He used to. It’s fine now-“

The pot boils over in a flurry. “No! It’s not fine! Asano, it’s not fine! Your dad isn’t supposed to hit you!” Akabane explodes, body posture straightening up. His face is incredulously angry, a mix of disbelief and rage.

Gakushuu swallows _hard_. “Yeah, I know. That’s why he _stopped._ ”

Akabane doesn’t look convinced. “When was the last time? Tell me the truth.”

“This year.” Gakushuu doesn’t go into specifics (that he was struck because he missed out on first place which is Akabane’s fault but it’s not Akabane’s fault he was struck and he’s not nearly so petty to try and blame it on him, so he leaves that part out). He does, however, mention the date it happened and who saw it. Recognition roars to life behind Akabane’s eyes.

“That bastard! He, he _hit_ you, in front of your classmates, _our classmates_ , _holy shit no wonder most of them are scared of your dad_ and then he had the audacity to try and kill himself,” Akabane shakes his head. “I- I should kill him myself!”

But Gakushuu does not care for Akabane’s incessant, violent ramblings about what he’d do to his father. For Akabane has just dropped a most unfortunate bombshell.

“What did you just say?”

“That I’ll walk you home and then, wring his neck-“

“No. Before that,” Gakushuu’s finger curl into ground, small pebbles digging into his nails. “He tried to-?” If he says the word, he might throw up. He forces the bile back.

Akabane’s eyes widen. “You didn’t…Oh shit. Asano-“

He continues to speak but Gakushuu doesn’t hear it. He wordlessly gets to his feet and starts. to. walk. This is a conversation he’ll likely never mention again with Akabane and maybe it’s the same for Akabane. Too much open vulnerability and no banter makes a rivalry dull. Gakushuu’s too numb right now to even _want_ to hold this over Akabane.

For his father was going to kill himself.

And he never told Gakushuu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am once again asking for kanna's hand in marriage. LADY I LOVE U
> 
> u know i was actually joking about making karasuma n irina karma's parents....... unless.........
> 
> shits kicking off next chapter


	6. hexane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY HEY wasp back here. probably last chapter of viscosity before christmas so i wish you all a very merry christmas!!! (dw karma's birthday hasn't been forgotten....... hehehe)
> 
> check the tags. a lot of stuff happens this chapter...... :/// 
> 
> finally justifying that hurt/comfort tag huh
> 
> [as always this chapter of brain rot is brought to you by a ferry song ferry. FERRY I LOVE YOU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSfDu4RSiTw)

There is a very neat and very thin scar on Gakuhou Asano’s wrist. It’s almost undetectable to the naked eye, hidden away under layers of carefully applied makeup and pristinely ironed shirts. It runs downwards alongside the ulnar artery, a clean brushstroke. If Gakushuu hadn’t been there to see it bleed, to see it heal and scar over, he likely wouldn’t believe in its existence.

For his father is a near enough perfect being and the scar represents his father’s darkest hour, his lowest point, one of the heaviest moments that Gakushuu’s had to endure (even if he wasn’t aware of it at the time).

Gakushuu Asano is six years young when he walks into the kitchen, one tepid autumn day, and is met with the sight of his father and an unhealthy amount of blood, the room smelling like wet pennies. There’s shattered glass around the man, as he lies on the floor, backed up against the cabinet and wrist hanging dead beside him.

Gakushuu’s six so he’s yet to study medicine and anatomy but even at his age, he knows that amount of blood isn’t good. He rushes to his father side.

“Papa!”

His father doesn’t seem happy to see him, eyes slowly rolling in their sockets to meet Gakushuu’s concerned gaze. “Go away, Gakushuu,” His father’s voice is weak, uncharacteristically small. He’s trying to be angry, but it’s diluted, he has no energy to shout. “Leave me alone.”

“But you’re hurt,” Gakushuu presses his hand against the wound, causing his father to wince somewhat. He can feel the other’s weak pulse and when he pulls his hand away, it’s dripping with blood. “Papa! You need help!”

His father’s eyes glow a sickening violet. “Go to your room.” It’s more of an order than last time.

Gakushuu’s not sure why he’s being shoved out. Papa is hurt and Gakushuu needs to help. “Papa-!”

“You don’t want to make papa upset, do you?”

And Gakushuu doesn’t because he’s already been made aware of what his father’s rage brings. Even in this weakened state, Gakushuu’s still scared of the man. “Are you going to be okay?” Maybe Papa has his own way of fixing this and _that’s_ why he wants Gakushuu gone.

“Yeah. Sure.”

Gakushuu leaves the kitchen, giving his father one more look over his shoulder. He heads back up to his room but before he can enter, the maid sees him.

“Oh, Gakushuu,” She bends down to his level, soft hand stroking his cheek. “What’s the matter?”

Gakushuu looks away. “Papa… He’s hurt. He made me go away. ”

The maid looks at him, eyes widening before practically sprinting down the stairs.

It’s the last time Gakushuu ever sees her as she’s fired after that day. Gakushuu supposes the only reason _he_ saw Gakuhou Asano vulnerable and lived to tell the tale is that you can’t really fire your child, no matter how hard you try.

It occurs to Gakushuu, 5 years after that incident, that his father had tried to kill himself. And he would’ve succeeded, had it not been for Gakushuu.

It’s the sort of revelation that makes Gakushuu stay up all night long, too scared of what he’ll see if he allows his eyes to close. The kind of critical thought that does make him throw up. Every time his father’s clothes shift, and his wrist becomes exposed, Gakushuu’s eyes snap to it, throat tightens, toes curl inwards.

Neither of them ever mention it. Which Gakushuu took as meaning that they were over it.

Clearly not.

He walks and then he runs when he realises the gravity of this, feet slamming hard into the cobbled, paved street below. His phone buzzes incessantly, likely Akabane but he has no time to check it. The park has never seemed so far away from his house before.

He’s also never been so relieved to see his house before.

When he gets in the door, keys almost missing the lock from how much his hands were shaking, his father’s still downstairs. No more tears, however, as he types away on his laptop. His face has a certain sheen to it and while it could be written off as a freshly washed face, Gakushuu knows the truth.

“Asano,” He glances at the clock on the wall. “I never knew you were out. It’s late-“

“You tried to kill yourself.”

It hangs around in the air, like a bad smell, one you can’t wash away. His father’s head slowly turns towards him, eyes widening, knowing he’s been caught, his lie exposed. Gakushuu repeats himself, as if he can’t believe his own words. “You tried to. You. Again?”

“Who told you,” Not a question. An order. “ _Who._ ”

That should be the least of his concerns. “That doesn’t matter,” Gakushuu snaps. “You tried. And you never told _me_.”

“How was I supposed to-“

“I have a right to know!” Gakushuu snaps, pointing a finger in his father’s direction. He’s not usually one to fly out into such a rage but this. _This._ “No matter how much it seems to pain you, I _am_ your son and if you died-“ He shudders.

“-You’re being dramatic-“

“I was going to be left here _alone_! Left to pick up all of your shit!”

“Don’t you fucking swear at me!”

“Hardly the _fucking_ issue!” He swears again, just to see the look on his father’s face. “You were going to kill yourself! Why did you never tell me?”

Something inside his father snaps, an elastic band that’s been stretched out for too long. The dam has burst; here be the flood. “You want to laugh? Make fun of me?” His tone is corrosive, spitting as if it were hydrochloric acid. Gakushuu doesn’t remember when they decided to keep a knife under the table nor does he remember it even being there, but he’s unfortunately reminded when his father goes for it, duct tape still attached to the handle. He grabs Gakushuu’s hand, grip iron glad when he tries to pull away. “ _Fucking do it. Laugh. I’ll even you let get in a hit in._ ”

Gakushuu tries to pull away, doesn’t want to hold a knife, doesn’t want to laugh at his father, extra doesn’t want to hurt him but his father keeps him firmly rooted in place. Gakushuu’s now trying to kick at his father’s legs, anything to try and _get away._ But as his father tries to force the knife into Gakushuu’s hand, the blade slips.

And slices open his father’s palm.

It’s clattering to the floor breaks the silence. Gakushuu’s eyes are focused on his father’s hand, unable to look away. It’s not deep but. There. There is a lot of blood. It’s starting to stain his father’s shirt crimson.

“You’re bleeding.” Gakushuu whispers.

His father stares at his hand, his face glitching out similarly to when he had struck Gakushuu in class all those months ago. He’s paler than he usually is, and Gakushuu fears blood loss might be on the cards for him tonight.

His father attempts to walk away, presumably up to his study, like the madman he is, but Gakushuu’s hand flies out on its own accord, latching onto to his father’s wrist. He feels some of the blood weave its way between his fingers. “Sit. Down.”

And that’s how they end up sitting at the kitchen table, first aid kit opened, and its contents sprawled out. His father’s arm rests on the table as Gakushuu continues to dry and stop the bleeding with paper towels. Neither of them exchange a word until-

“I stopped you from dying. That first time when I was little,” Gakushuu’s voice is quiet, tone oddly soft, given the context. “If it hadn’t been for me, then-“

His father finishes his sentence. “I’d be dead.”

Gakushuu swallows thickly. “Yeah.” He pulls the sheet of paper towel away, marked with red blotches and decides that the bleeding has stopped for now. He pressed a cotton pad to the bottle of disinfectant and gingerly swipes at his father’s wound.

“I should’ve told you.”

“Yeah.”

“About Korosensei.”

“Yeah.”

“About my attempt.”

Gakushuu’ hand falters, pressing harder than he should on the wound. His father hisses in air through clenched teeth. “Sorry for that.” He apologises but he knows it didn’t hurt the other _that_ badly.

“It’s…okay. My fault, anyways,” Gakushuu has to pinch himself to make sure he heard that right. “Shouldn’t have given you a knife. Not after-“

“It’s okay,” Gakushuu turns away from his father to look for a needle and thread. “I’m- It’s okay.” He repeats.

“I won’t need stitches.”

Gakushuu frowns softly. “Yes, you do,” Using his pinkie finger, he trails alongside the laceration, finger just ghosting above his father’s palm. “Look. This goes from the flexor pollicis brevis to the palmar fascia. It’s _huge._ ”

His father pulls his hand away, keeping it close to his chest. “But it’s not deep.”

“It’ll scar funny,” Gakushuu threads the eye of the needle first try. “It’s stitches or a stapler. Up to you.”

His father grumbles before offering up his hand again and Gakushuu takes it carefully, as it were glass. Gakushuu imagines that even to his father, the stony faced, unfeeling man that he is, this would still hurt. There’s no more numbing cream or antiseptic cream left in the kit so it’s essentially as painful as it can get.

“If I get sepsis…”

“Maybe Santa will get you an autoclave for Christmas,” Gakushuu snorts. “You won’t get sepsis. Relax before I sew your lips together.”

His father rolls his eyes. “Easy for you to say.”

The stitching is surprisingly relaxing; his father is a good patient, when he’s not fretting about sepsis. Gakushuu covers the wound with an antiseptic dressing before covering it with a cloth bandage. “Don’t get it wet.”

“I know how to look after a wound.”

“Evidently not. You were going to hide away in your study.”

“It would’ve healed eventually.”

“You really would have gotten sepsis. And blood on the carpet.”

Before he goes to bed, his father beckons him and presses a chaste kiss to his forehead, mumbling out a ‘thank you’. Gakushuu allows his mind to hone in on the feeling, his mouth like cotton balls. It’s dim in the room, dim enough to hide the pink on his cheeks.

He goes to his room with the ghost of a smile on his face. He checks his phone, just before bed in case of-

Ah.

He forget about Akabane. He has 17 messages from him _alone,_ not counting the others.

**[akabane: ASANO]**

**[akabane: ASANO]**

**[akabane: ASANO]**

**[akabane: ASANO]**

**[akabane: ASANO]**

**[akabane: ASANO]**

**[akabane: PLS TELL ME UR ALRIGHT I WONT BE ABLE TO LIVE MYSELF]**

**[akabane: PLS ILL STOP CALLING U SECOND PLACE JUST PLS TELL ME UR OKAY]**

**[shiota: Asano? Is everything alright?]**

**[isogai: Please answer your phone.]**

**[nakamura: ASANO]**

**[nakamura: oh cool u unblocked my number]**

**[maehara: ASANO]**

**[sakakibara: akabane has messaged me 10 times. you good?]**

**[sakakibara: asano, he’s ringing me im SCARED]**

**[seo: wtf how does akabane even have my number]**

**[seo: did you give it to him?]**

**[araki: okay. so in hindsight giving akabane a full list of most of our year’s number wasn’t a good idea.]**

**[araki: something, something 20/20, right?]**

**[araki: seriously though, are you okay because I told him to only phone in case of emergency and he’s tried to video call 5 times.]**

**[araki: FIVE TIMES ASANO!!! FIVE!!!]**

He sighs and responds to _most_ of the messages (how Maehara has _his_ number is a mystery that’s yet to be solved).

**[asano: Sorry for worrying you. I was speaking with my father.]**

**[akabane: R U OKAY?????????]**

**[akabane: u can stay at mine if u need to get away]**

**[akabane: not even joking btw]**

It takes a while to assure Akabane that’s everything’s alright (read: a phone call and a half). He goes to type out a thank out when Kanna’s voice resonates in his mind. He’s not one to _not_ complete homework so-

**[asano: Thank you for informing me, Karma. It really means a lot. I’ll buy you lunch one day.]**

**[akabane: ?????]**

**[akabane: WHO ARE U N WHAT HAVE U DONE WITH ASANO???]**

**[asano: >:)]**

**[akabane: these r end times we live in….. the end of the world as we know it…….]**

Explaining it to the Virtuoso’s is harder. He leaves out most, if not all details but does mention the fact that his father hurt himself on a knife and he’s spent the last half hour trying to explain to him that, no, just because the needle hasn’t been autoclaved doesn’t mean you’ll get sepsis, _relax._ Instead of sending the same message 4 times, he creates a group chat for the five of them which he guesses was overdue.

**[asano: Sorry, guys. I should have let you guys know.]**

**[araki: its okay asano. as long as your okay]**

**[asano: Ah about that.]**

**[asano: You can call me Gakushuu. I figure since we’ve been friends for so long, it’s been a long time coming.]**

**[seo: …..]**

**[araki: O_O]**

**[koyama: does that mean you’re gonna call us by own names?]**

**[asano: If you’ll allow it, yes]**

**[sakakibara: ME ME ME SAY MY NAME FIRST]**

**[asano: …Ren?]**

**[sakakibara has taken a screenshot of chat]**

**[sakakibara: history has been made]**

Gakushuu rolls his eyes. He doesn’t really see the _whole_ deal (he genuinely has no clue why Seo insists on naming a star after this day), but they seem happy and he feels bad for worrying them, so he doesn’t think about it too much.

He can already imagine Kanna’s face next appointment.

  
Wait.

**[asano: You didn’t message me. Did Akabane not call you?]**

**[koyama: I have Akabane blocked]**

**[koyama: Which works out more often than not]**

**[asano: Ah]**

For the first time in a very long time, Gakushuu goes to bed and while he’s tired out of his nut and still reeling from all the emotional exhaustion, it’s the first time in a while that he goes to bed with a smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gakuhou, giving his child, who was recently traumatised via a knife. a knife: what could go wrong?
> 
> let me know if enjoy poggers


	7. heptane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter legally made me add 'fluff and angst' tag. the calm before the storm, the comfort before the hurt as some may say
> 
> also fun chem fact- viscosity in single chained alkanes (methane, ethane, propane, butane etc) increase as the number of carbon atoms increase, meaning each chapter technically gets more viscous. big brain moves from urs truly huh.

Gakushuu’s not quite sure how he’s ended up here, in the middle of a convenience store holding a basket’s worth of junk food as Akabane examines different brands of confectionary. Sure, he had offered the olive branch of ‘free lunch’ but he hadn’t really expected Akabane to take him up on it, for the other to insist on cashing in that favour in this weekend.

“I thought you were rich.” He finds himself saying.

Akabane looks up at him, still holding the chocolate in his hands. “Ah, there’s that r-word,” He clicks his tongue. “I prefer wealthy. Or maybe, finically secure?”

Gakushuu rolls his eyes. “You still have a grotesque amount of money.”

“True, true.”

“So, remind _me_ why I’m buying _you_ almost an entire buffet worth of convenience store snacks? One would think you haven’t eaten in weeks.”

“I do recall you saying something about _your_ treat,” Akabane bends down to pick up yet another item. He drops it into Gakushuu’s basket. “Oh, I’ve been meaning to try these for a while now.”

Gakushuu looks down disapprovingly at the sweets the other has chosen. “They’ve got twice the daily recommended intake of sugar, you know.”

Akabane wags a finger at him. “Key word there being _recommended_.”

“Whatever. If all your teeth rot and fall out, you better not come crying to me.” Gakushuu selects a selection of sushi for himself.

Akabane raises his eyebrow at Gakushuu’s selection. “Vegetable maki? You’re boring, ‘Shuu.”

Gakushuu kicks the shin of his companion, not hard enough to cause any real pain. “I said you could call me by my first name, _not_ a nickname,” He looks down at the sushi again. “There’s nothing wrong with vegetable maki, either.”

“Sure, sure.”

Akabane looks stupidly happy as he leaves the store with three bags of _junk food_ to his name. He then tells Gakushuu he’s ‘stocking up’ and Gakushuu realises that the other can’t cook, well, at least not properly.

“I can make an omelette,” Akabane tries to justify it. “That’s breakfast, lunch and dinner food. And its’s filling.”

Gakushuu’s a little horrified that Akabane, who has seemingly been living alone for quite some time, only knows how to cook omelettes. “You’re hopeless.”

Akabane opens his mouth to fire back a rebuttal but before he can speak, a small, unmistakeable sound rings out. Gakushuu might’ve never heard one until now but there’s no way that’s anything else.

Akabane must’ve heard it too. He turns to Gakushuu. “Was that-“

“A cat,” Gakushuu nods, looking around them, trying to find the being in question. He peers down the back alley they’re by. “An alley cat, maybe?”

“Cats don’t usually sound like that,” Akabane hands the shopping bags to Gakushuu, who takes them begrudgingly. “It sounds like it’s fighting.”

Gakushuu didn’t know that. “Oh. Did it?”

Akabane nods. “Yeah,” He begins to walk down the alley, side stepping all the rubbish. “We should go check it out.”

“I’m _not_ being scratched by a cat,” Gakushuu grumbles but he reluctantly follows Akabane anyways. “If there’s a fight, we’re not getting involved.”

“Live a little, Gakushuu. What’s a cat fight between new friends?”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were _looking_ for a fight.”

“A fight? In this part of town? You’re outta your mind,” Akabane spares a glance over his shoulder. “But. If you ever get the urge for some…street arguments, I do have some excellent recommendations.”

Gakushuu groans, narrowly avoiding the dirty bins. “Keep it to yourself.”

They eventually come to a small courtyard, where upon noticing the humans, a racoon skitters off, away from the corner it was hanging around in. They investigate the corner further and what they find is a little, fluffy creature with a long tail. If it hadn’t meowed at them, Gakushuu would probably assume it was a very large rat.

“He’s tiny,” Gakushuu bends down, letting the cat sniff his hand. “I didn’t even know cats could be this small.”

Akabane picks up the cat. “But he’s not a kitten either. Just severely malnourished,” He looks for a collar before feeling the nape of its neck. “No nametag. I doubt he’s been microchipped.”

“So, it’s a stray.”

“Here, you can tell,” Akabane points to the cat’s coat, attempting to comb his fingers through the coarse fur. “All matted and clumped up. It doesn’t even know how to properly take care of itself. It was probably born abandoned.”

A beat of silence goes by. Gakushuu glances up from the cat to meet Akabane’s eyes. “We should-“

“Keep it,” Akabane finishes. “I’ve always wanted a cat, you know. Must be fate or something.”

Gakushuu rolls his eyes. “I can’t believe we agree on something,” He gives the cat a quick pet on the head, to which it eagerly leans into. He smiles softly. “He needs a name.”

Akabane pretends to think, humming as he taps his foot off the ground. “I think I’ll name him Vehicular Manslaughter! Manslaughter, for short.”

“What? No! You can’t-“ Gakushuu snatches the cat from the other’s arms, frowning as he examines its body. “You’re insane. You can’t call a cat that.”

“Give me one, legitimate reason why he can’t be named Manslaughter the cat.”

“Well, for starters, he is a she,” Gakushuu holds the cat underneath her arms, showing her underside. “You can’t call her Vehicular Manslaughter. It’s unbefitting of such a lady.”

Akabane doesn’t appear to be convinced. “Well, what do you have in mind? Because as far as I’m concerned, Manslaughter is gender neutral.”

“Evangeline,” Gakushuu whispers, gazing into the cat’s eyes. “Look at her. She’s a dame! She’s got a face reminiscent of Old Hollywood.”

“You have lost it. I’m not calling her Evangeline,” He pauses. “Her name should be May.”

Gakushuu narrows his eyes. reading between the lines. “And what exactly is May short for?”

Akabane laughs, having been found out. “…Mayonnaise,” Gakushuu gives him an unimpressed look. “Fine! She won’t be called May! God, you won’t let me have anything, huh?”

Gakushuu ignores Akabane, instead looking around, trying to find anything in the dingy alleyway that could spark inspiration for a name. Eventually, his eyes latch onto the forgotten shopping bags from early.

“What about Maki?”

“Huh?”

Gakushuu adjusts the cat in his arms, so that he’s carrying it like a baby. “Short for Maki-roll.”

Akabane looks down at the sushi and then at the cat. A smile tugs on his lips. “Maki-roll,” He leans over to pet the newly named Maki and whispers in the cats’ ear, “Middle name Treason.”

Gakushuu knows that they probably won’t agree any other way. 

Maki obviously can’t stay with Gakushuu (for so many reasons including but limited to the fact that he lives with Gakuhou Asano), so she’ll be Akabane’s responsibility to look after. Gakushuu’s a little sceptical, especially since Akabane looks a little worried. “I don’t have any cat things. What do cats even eat? Fish? Milk?”

“Common misconceptions,” Gakushuu hands Maki to Akabane, still in awe how light she is (his pencil case is probably heavier). “You wait outside the shop and I’ll buy some food. You have spare bowls at home, right?”

“Too many,” Akabane hands Gakushuu his wallet. “Here. I’ll go halfers.”

Gakushuu, for all his knowledge, has no real gauge of cat food prices vs quality, hasn’t invested in such a market so he’s admittedly a little lost. He almost decides on the brand that’s the best value for money but, out of the corner of his eye, he spots the _premium_ cat food and figures, _hey,_ it’s not just his pockets paying for this. Akabane won’t mind.

He leaves with two bags of cat supplies and almost drops both of them when he sees Akabane, apparently cat-less. “Where’s Maki?!” He panics.

Akabane points to his hoodie front pocket, where a tail hangs out from. “She was cold!”

Gakushuu’s never been more relieved in his life. He decides to carry Maki home, still a little weary that Akabane will just _lose_ her.

They walk back to the Akabane’s household. Akabane doesn’t invite him inside and Gakushuu doesn’t expect him too and while the other seems to be more confident now, having spent the walk home reading articles about cat ownership, Gakushuu’s not completely convinced.

“If anything happens to her under your care,” Gakushuu threatens, jabbing a finger at Akabane’s chest. “I _will_ string up your dead body in the hall and let everyone use you as a piñata.”

“Message received loud and clear,” He salutes mockingly before holding Maki’s paws gingerly, letting her wave goodbye. “Say goodbye to Uncle ‘Shuu.”

Gakushuu recoils physically. “I’m not her uncle, I’m her father!”

“Well so I am!” Akabane exclaims. “I just didn’t think you’d _both_ want us to be dads, is all.”

“As long as it’s _my_ last name she has, I don’t really care about how we’re perceived.”

“Oh, fuck off. She’s living with _me_ ; she very well can’t have _your_ last name.”

Maki Treason Asano-Akabane. Gakushuu _supposes_ he’s heard worse.

When he gets home that day, his father asks him if he’s been up to anything. Gakushuu thinks about it for a moment.

“No, nothing much.”

It doesn’t take long for the lie to be revealed. At dinner, his father sneezes, an event even more uncommon than his father bleeding. He swipes at his nose with his napkin. “You’ve been around a cat.”

His father’s not psychic which means - “You’re allergic?” He asks, genuinely surprised.

“Yes,” His father blinks a few times, eyes watering slightly. “Dreadful things. You better not have brought one back.”

“Of course not. There was a stray stuck in a tree.” He lies smoothly.

His father eats the remainder of his dinner with blotchy eyes and a part of Gakushuu wishes he had learnt of this weakness during junior high.

Ah well. Hindsight is 20/20.

During their next appointment, Yamashiro brings up the bandage on his father’s hand. “Can you explain to me what happened?”

Gakushuu had been dreading this. “It was an accident, Which is the truth. “We got into an argument.” Also the truth.

“What about?”

Gakushuu shifts in his seat. “It’s really not my place to say.”

“What happened?”

“We argued and he tried to give me a knife,” Worry flashes in her eyes and Gakushuu realises that probably wasn’t the best way of saying _that_. “But I refused to hold it and it accidentally cut him.” He adds quickly.

“…And then?”

“I sat him down and sewed it up,” He dries his clammy hands on his trouser legs. “We’re okay now.” And he says it convincingly enough that a part of him _does_ believe it.

_She_ doesn’t look so convinced but doesn’t press further. Gakushuu’s not that worried, it’s more his father’s problem than his own. It’s not his story to tell (Gakushuu’s certainly not going to be the one who brings up _him_ ).

“Your father thinks you’re hiding a cat up here.” She looks around amusedly. “…Are you?”

“No,” He pauses. “But I did help to adopt one.”

Yamashiro looks excited. “Can you tell me about it?”

Gakushuu does and at the end of his appointment, Yamashiro jokingly refers to him as a doting cat owner.

“Ah, well she’s technically half mine and half another boy’s.”

“Ren’s?”

“No, not any of my, uh, main friends,” A part of him feels bad for describing Akabane like that but it’s the truth. Maki might’ve brought them together and the nastiness that was present in their academic rivalry might evaporated but at the end of the day, Karma was Karma. He was a troublemaker and walked the line between model student and delinquent _hard._ A few late-night chance meetings and a heartfelt conversation there or two didn’t change things, not really. “She’s staying at Karma’s house, so we agreed he was also her owner.”

“You talk about Karma a lot, almost as much as your other friends,” She cocks her head to the side. “Would you not also consider him a friend?”

“Karma is- It’s different,” Understatement of the year, there. “He’s as smart as me but is so laid back about it. I’ve yet to figure him out.”

“…Do you think he requires figuring out?”

Gakushuu nods. “There has to be something else, something I’m not seeing,” The parents thing… That can’t explain everything, can’t explain the other’s attitude, his snark, his intelligence, and his disinterest in such. “I can’t accept that he’s just _like_ that, for no reason.”

Yamashiro takes a note of something, scribbling away. “You seem quite enamoured by him.” She hums.

“If you met him, you’d understand. He goes against every expectation set of him. It’s almost impressive.”

Yamashiro leaves the house that day, slipping him a slip of paper with a hotline number written on it.

“Just in case.” She adds and the paper weighs down heavy in Gakushuu’s hand. He hides it in his wallet and tries not to think about it too hard.

After that, his life settles into a somewhat normal routine. School, appointments, checking up on Maki, living with his father. His scar heals over, and it joins the other as forgotten memories in his father’s past. If the previous year of his life had been a ship ploughing through the treacherous storm, this was a paddleboat moving down a stream. Gakushuu allows himself to almost… settle down. The press dwarves in numbers, school continues as expected, Maki continues to grow to size, life moves on.

Of course, nothing in life is permanent except impermanence. And, akin to a structure made of dominoes, it only takes one event to knock it all down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next level of wasp projection: projecting my cat onto asano's cat. i swear maki becomes important plot wise i PROMISE!!!
> 
> next chapter. ahahahhahahaa. yous will hate me. ive already cried writing it.


	8. octane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it takes two to tango

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [radiohead for the angst](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bf01riuiJWA)
> 
> [inspired by gwen's amazing fic go read it! i had to take a break while reading it cos. PAIN](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28242015)

It starts with first semester midterms. Because, whether he likes it not, Gakushuu’s whole life has revolved around standardised testing.

He achieves first place, with Akabane behind him, a close second. He beats Gakushuu in Mathematics _again_ but Akabane struggles with his tenses in English, so it evens out.

“You know, that’s twice now,” Akabane flashes his perfect 100 in Gakushuu’s face, waving it around like a medal of honour. “You should probably look into getting a tutor. I’m offering my services, you know, as the top student in Mathematics. I’ll even give you a discounted rate.” He jokes.

Gakushuu, in return, shows off _his_ perfect 100 in English. “Perhaps we can kill two birds with one stone. To mix up tenses so easily, it’s simply not like you.”

Akabane sticks out his tongue but there’s no anger behind it, the lit fuse now submerged in water. Sakakibara sighs out of relief.

“I thought you were going to go back to fighting, like you did last year,” He shoots Gakushuu a glance. “Surprised you’re not at each other’s necks, if I’m being honest.”

“Love thy enemy and all that.” Akabane waves it off.

Araki pouts. “It’s love thy neighbour.” He corrects.

Akabane smiles knowingly. “Ah, well. That too.”

Gakushuu had learned that, in conjunction with E Class’ military training, they had also received parkour lessons, which obviously contributed to their increased physique last year. Gakushuu’s not one to not at least _try_ a new skill, so after a few races against Akabane and countless Youtube tutorials, he picks up a good basis of free running and parkour.

It allows for him to walk (run) home, without being followed by a chaperone. And the thrill is intoxicating, as he leaps from roof to roof, watching as his classmates walk home on the ground below him.

However, one day, as he’s on his way home, he near enough gets the fright of his life. Someone else is up here, seemingly waiting for him. It’s a man, hiding behind a ventilation unit. He pops out just as Gakushuu goes to jump again.

“Hey! Asano!”

Gakushuu falters, almost teetering over the edge. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? I almost fell!” He seethes.

The man stands up, hands held up apologetically. “Heh, sorry about that,” He smiles at Gakushuu. “I’ve seen you go this way home before, so I thought I’d wait for you.”

He’s smiling but his eyes carry a different vibe, like a spider descending on prey caught in its web. “Who even are-“ Gakushuu looks down, noticing the small notebook hidden under the man’s scarf. “I don’t speak to the press.” He states firmly, eyes snapping up.

“Aw, c’mon Asano,” The man takes a step forward. Gakushuu takes one back. “Just a few questions?”

Gakushuu ignores him and intends to continue on his way but before he can make the jump, the man latches onto his arm. “Please? It took me so long to even come up here.”

“That was your own fault,” Gakushuu pries the man off. “Leave me alone.” The man is too physically inferior to be threatening but he’s starting to annoy Gakushuu.

“It’s not even about you! I just want to talk about your father.”

Gakushuu feels his eyebrow twitch with frustration. “No comment.”

The reporter pouts softly. “Aw, well it’s not really about him _either_ ,” He clicks his pen. “It’s about a former student of his. The one who killed himself! A little birdie told me his suicide inspired the E Class system your dad implemented at Kunugigoaka. I was just looking for a confirmation, is all.”

At the mention of _him_ , Gakushuu tenses up. He had been hoping that the media would be reasonable enough to leave _him_ out of it but apparently not. “No. Comment.” He seethes, clenching his teeth so hard that his jaw starts to ache.

“Is that a yes?”

“It’s a no comment,” He spits out viciously. “It’s none of your busines.” Because really, out of every event in the Asano Cinematic History, that event ranks dead last in ‘things the public have a right to know about’.

The man waggles an eyebrow, a stupidly happy look on his face. “That sounds like a yes.”

In his rage and annoyance and tiredness (it’s been a long day), Gakushuu snaps. “He’s been dead for a decade. You people really know no bounds, do you? You filthy little _insect_.”

And with that, he makes the jump and runs, not looking back at the reporter. The conversation plays over in his head, like a gun continuously ringing out and he (foolishly) thinks nothing will come out of it.

The next day after he walks home from school (put off from running via rooftop in case of being ambushed again), he senses something is off the moment he steps into his house. The house is quiet, silent even and Gakushuu has to be careful to not tread on the pile of mail, apparently forgotten. Gakushuu bends down and scoops up the letters, frowning. His father, especially in this pseudo house arrest he’s stuck in, _always_ collects the mail.

He’s shuffling through the mail, checking if there’s anything for him as he walks into the kitchen. “Father-“ He begins but the words die in his throat. His father is standing in place. He’s _waiting_ for Gakushuu and that makes Gakushuu’s blood turn viscous in his veins.

There’s a paper in his father’s hands. Gakushuu can’t see the full headline but he spots the word ‘suicide’ and it’s then Gakushuu learns of the boy’s name, his father’s student, the one he never forgot. Ikeda Rikuto.

Gakushuu suddenly feels very, very scared, the kitchen’s atmosphere bordering on oppressive. “Father-“ He tries again.

“You told them.”

He throws the paper in Gakushuu’s direction, who catches and reads it for himself. There’s a photo of Ikeda and his father and him and a nasty string of words that basically reveals the truth about the E Class system and how it came to be. It’s credits the exposure of such a story to Gakushuu, painting him as a victim finally breaking his silence.

The paper crinkles in Gakushuu’s hand. “That journalist-“

“You told them.” His father repeats, his voice dropping in octaves.

“They asked me about him, and I told them to get lost,” He throws the paper back to his father. He doesn’t even try to catch it. “I didn’t- Father, I wouldn’t tell them about _this_.”

“And yet, you’re credited as the source.”

“It’s the media! Like sharks to blood, they sniff blood and make a meal out of it,” Gakushuu refutes. “I _didn’t_ tell them about him. I don’t even know the full story!”

His father doesn’t look convinced, face unmoving. Gakushuu tries again. “Do you believe _them_ over _me?_ ”

“Let’s see.” “Do I believe numerous, educated professionals over a child? Why, yes. Yes. I. Do.”

Gakushuu can’t hide the hurt that flashes over his face. “Why would I even speak to _that_ editorial? It’s trashy, everyone knows that.”

His father points a finger to the wall next to Gakushuu and Gakushuu fears what he’s about to see. Other, more reputable newspapers, all with similar headlines and ideas (all with _his_ picture) are plastered on the wall. They’re darts lodged into the drywall; he’s been using them as a dartboard. One of the pictures of Gakushuu has a dart between his eyebrows. Gakushuu’s stomach twists at the sight.

He turns his head ever-so-slowly, scared to look back at his father.

Ah. Wait.

Scuttle, scuttle. His father is gone, those eyes don’t belong to anyone but the principal. Suddenly, Gakushuu’s fourteen again, in his father’s office as he kicks a football up and down as he inquiries about E Class’ secret.

His father takes one step towards him. Gakushuu takes one back before bursting out into a run, to the only place he’s ever considered safe- his room. As he leaps up the stairs, taking three at a time, he hears his father chase him and his fear grows tenfold, heart hammering out of his chest.

He makes it to his bedroom, fingers faltering as he slides the lock on his door. There’s a resounding _thump_ from the other side and Gakushuu knows it won’t hold for long. When there’s a will, there’s a way and Gakuhou Asano has no shortage of will.

His eyes scan his room, looking for something, _anything._ He had been planning on leaving via his window when his eyes catch a hold of something. The anti-sensei gun that Akabane had given him. It’s such a poor idea, the kind that Gakushuu would scold himself for thinking but his father is running on _bloodlust_ and seemingly won’t settle until he snaps Gakushuu’s neck.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

The door bursts open, hinges almost most definitely broken off and Gakushuu takes aim. Had it been lighter in his room, the obvious shine of plastic would’ve given it away as fake, but the darkness of twilight allows it to sneak under his father’s radar, allows for the gun to pass as real.

“If you take another step forward,” Gakushuu forces his voice to remain steady, to show he means _business_. “I’ll shoot.”

The glow behind his father’s eyes disperse, the situation so outlandish that it manages to bring him back to reality. The guns barrel presses hard against Gakushuu’s temple and he has to remind himself it’s a fake. There’s not even any ammo in it.

“Gakushuu-“ A hand extended.

Gakushuu swallows. The look of pure rage might have evaporated but Gakushuu knows that as soon as he lets his guard down, his father will pounce again. “Just- Stay _back._ ”

His father raises both hands now. “Put the gun down.”

“Step to the side,” His father doesn’t move. Gakushuu takes the safety off and _that_ gets his father to move over to the side, his feet shuffling on the ground. Their positions have flipped, with Gakushuu standing outside his room. “I’m going to go out for a walk. If you follow me, I’ll phone Araki and tell him _everything_ and then some more _._ “

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I would! And, And they’d believe me,” Gakushuu doesn’t lower the gun from his head, isn’t stupid enough to throw away his only leverage. “The media wants me to be a damsel in distress so much, it wouldn’t take much to play the part. I could make up any number of lies and they’d believe it all.”

“Asano-“

“Shut. Up,” Gakushuu begins to descend down the stairs, taking one step at a time. “If you phone the police or the military, I’ll cry wolf. And no one, _no one,_ will take your side.”

The front door is difficult to unlock with his back to it, arm bent uncomfortably as he fumbles with the lock but with some effort, it comes unlocked. His father is still up in his bedroom which gives Gakushuu a little bit of time to get away. He pockets the gun before the guards outside can notice it. “My father. Needs some time alone.” He mutters to them before sprinting. Even with the threat of the media, his father would still come after him.

Gakushuu knows these streets better than his father, knows all the right places to hide. He also knows what areas of town his father avoids like the plague. And so, he ends up on the bridge, not too far from Kunugigoaka, the one his father refuses to drive over and instead, takes the longer route to school. He peers over the railing to the rapids below, thrumming like a heartbeat.

In his emotional haze, he decides to entertain a thought. If the gun had been a stupid idea, this was plain moronic but he’s not thinking straight. He gets up on the railing and lets the air flow through his hair, lets the odd rain droplet or two run down his face. He looks down at the raging waters below and thinks. Hard.

It’s a passive thing, all of this. He can’t really say he wants to _die;_ he just doesn’t want to live. He doesn’t want to be Gakushuu Asano anymore, doesn’t want to wake up to this monotony ever again. Perhaps if he had been born someone else, born into a different family, this wouldn’t be happening. But because he is Gakushuu Asano and that is his life sentence, the ever-present shackles around him. He was _born_ and that is what sealed the deal, for as much as he’s tried to deny it, it’s his father’s blood that runs through his veins, it’s his purple eyes he sees in the mirror, it’s his name he bears.

Gakushuu Asano. Gakuhou Asano.

Perhaps this is long overdue. He’s fifteen now and what a long fifteen years it’s been. A constant battle, a steeper and steeper slope. Learning to run before you walk and always, always, always missing the mark. He’s never been enough and never will be.

He realises he hasn’t written a note. He doesn’t know how he’d write one anyways so maybe that’s for the best.

“Gakushuu,” And of course. The universe seems to love him as much as his father does. “What are you-?”

Gakushuu doesn’t look behind him, doesn’t know if he can muster up the courage to see the other boy. “Would you believe me if I told you I just wanted to see how it felt?”

“No. I wouldn’t.”

Gakushuu laughs. It comes out cynically, biting. “I don’t think I’d blame you.”

“Can you come down?”

Gakushuu ignores the question, looking down at the water instead. “You should just go home. Forget about this.”

“I can’t leave you like this.”

“You could.”

Akabane inhales sharply. “Gakushuu.”

“Do you ever get tired of it all? All of _this?_ ” When Akabane doesn’t reply, Gakushuu takes that as his sign to continue. “I have so much work left to do. No one ever tells you that therapy is sometimes harder than the thing itself.”

“It’s never going to be easy. Stuff like that, it’s always gonna be difficult.” Akabane’s voice is strained.

“I’m _tired_ of difficult.”

“It’s not like you to run away from a challenge.”

Gakushuu’s hand tenses up, fingers curling on their own accord. “No, no _no_. This isn’t a challenge,” He finally turns around on the railing so that he’s face to face with Akabane. The other is dressed light, like he was going out for a jog and no matter how hard he tries to hide it, there’s fear in those mercury eyes. “You, _you’re_ a challenge. This- It’s a _struggle._ ”

“So, you’d just give up? Leave everything behind?”

“It sounds nice, doesn’t it?” Gakushuu sighs. “A long sleep. No responsibilities.”

Akabane doesn’t look convinced, face twisted into exasperation. “No! What? If there’s no more you, then, then, I chose Kunugigoaka for nothing!”

“Kunugigoaka…..Me?” Gakushuu frowns, as he makes the connection in his head. He points a finger at Akabane accusingly. “Idiot! Stop making choices based on other people! That’s moronic, even for you!”

“…Where else was I to go,” Akabane’s voice is quiet, _sincere._ “You’re the only person I’ve ever met that can keep up.”

Gakushuu supposes that’s quite touching, coming from Akabane. It’s akin to one of those lines in Sakakibara’s romance novels. “I-, don’t say shit like that. Not when I’m like _this._ ”

Akabane cocks his head to the side, feigning innocence. “Like what?”

“You’re disgustingly difficult.” Gakushuu groans.

“It’s working, though, right?”

Gakushuu knows he already knows the answer to that. “You’re the spanner to my works.”

Akabane looks a little pleased at that, kicking his leg idly. “Ah, well, I try,” He waves it off. “And you wonder why I chose Kunugigoaka. Where else was I to go for _this_?”

“You wouldn’t have to put up with my shit if you weren’t at Kunugigoaka.” Which is something Gakushuu wishes he could say to everyone, all his classmates- new and old. If you attended Kunugigoaka, it meant you had to put up with his shit, with his father’s shit. You were a part of the mess that was the Asano family dynamic, whether you wanted to be or not.

“You realise that just makes me even more firm in my choice? The idea of you being alone right now…” Akabane shakes his head. “…Can I ask you a question?”

Gakushuu can’t help but say, “You already did.”

“ _Hilarious,_ ” The other rolls his eyes before his face solidifies into something more serious. “Have you ever done it before? Jumped, I mean.”

Gakushuu looks back down at the water. His throat tightens. “No.”

“Well, I have. And it fucking sucked,” Akabane spits. “Worst part was I was trying to kill Korosensei at the same time. I was gonna kill myself and if the octopus didn’t save myself, I’d…die.”

The gears spin to life in Gakushuu’s mind. “This was recent then.”

“’Bout a year or so ago,” Akabane admits. “He saved me cos he had all these tentacles. But even then, I still hurt my back,” There’s a pause as he considers his next words carefully. “…I did it in front of a friend. His face still haunts me.”

“That wasn’t a nice thing to do.”

“Ah, well I wasn’t the nicest back then-“

“-Implying you are now-”

“You are _funny_ tonight. Where’s all this humour at school?”

Gakushuu lets out a small laugh but stops at the mention of school. “Don’t let them make this into an assembly.”

Akabane tenses up. “I’m not cleaning up after you,” He crosses his arms. “Besides, if I were you, I wouldn’t worry about school.”

“Then what should I worry about?”

“The media,” Akabane winces ever-so-slightly. “…And your father.”

Gakushuu knows the other is right. The reporter on the roof (this is _his_ fault) was given a centimetre and yet, he took a mile. Gakushuu can only imagine how they’ll paint _this._ His father might’ve came out unscathed this time around but a second, more personal media frenzy will be the final blow.

Akabane looks around cautiously, choosing his next words carefully. “…Look. A _lot_ of people would miss you, myself included. And since we’re friends now, that would make _you_ a bad friend and you’re not bad at anything,” Akabane extends a hand. “So, just. Just come down before something stupid happens. We can still have a talk, hell, you can come over and see Maki. And Gakushuu, I hope you’re not thinking this, but if you come down from there and decide to just go home, I’ll never mention this to _anyone._ I swear on Korosensei’s honour.”

Gakushuu mulls it over in his head. “You’re guilt-tripping me with Maki-roll.” He mumbles light-heartedly.

Akabane’s hand doesn’t falter. “Maybe, maybe not.”

The thought of never seeing Maki again makes his decision final. He might not be happy currently, but he doesn’t _really_ want to die. Not like this, not in front of Akabane and not on this bridge, in this town, by his old school.

As Gakushuu moves to take a step down, hand outstretched to take Akabane’s own, he (in all his confusion, rage, and panic) forgets that water makes metal slippery and that the shoes he’s wearing have rubber soles. He slips backwards and he feels his soul leave his body.

Oh.

Fuck.

This is it.

This is how he dies.

Or so he thought.

Instead of being dropped into the cold embrace of the water below, his body slaps wetly against the side of the metal railing, which, _ow_ but Gakushuu’s too bewildered as to why he’s still alive to think about pain right now.

Akabane is strong but not strong enough to pull another boy his weight over a railing. Gakushuu looks up in horror, watches as Akabane’s shoulder strains itself, as he lets the railing dig into his stomach, in a desperate attempt to hold onto Gakushuu. There’s a wild look in his eyes and Gakushuu registers it as _terror._

Gakushuu’s hyper ventilating now, hot tears spilling down his face. Oh God. He’s going to die. He was going to step down from the railing, he was going to be okay! He, he was going to live! He doesn’t want this anymore!

He doesn’t want to die, not like this, not because of Akabane. This was-, this was going to be _his_ thing and his thing alone. He hadn’t meant to drag Akabane into this mess. He’s going to fall because Akabane won’t be able to support his weight anymore and while it’s not Akabane’s fault, that’s how he’ll see it, that’s how his father will see it. That’s how the world will see it. He wants to open his mouth and say that it’s not Akabane’s fault, not his fault for the trauma he’s been saddling for a decade or so, but he can’t string any words together, head scrambled.

Akabane tries to hoist Gakushuu up, groaning in _agony_ as he does so but it only results in Gakushuu’s hand sliding further down Akabane’s forearm. He’s squeezing Akabane’s wrist so hard, it might shatter in his hands. At the very least, it’ll bruise. And maybe it will heal quickly but Gakushuu won’t be around to see it.

“Do you trust me?” Akabane asks and Gakushuu’s too over the place to know how to answer.

“W-What?”

Akabane has to brace his leg against the railing, offering his other hand to Gakushuu. His eyes are squeezed shut, likely in pain. “Answer! D-Do you trust me?!” His voice breaks.

Gakushuu notices he’s crying too. He has the awful feeling that he’s about to be let go, that Akabane’s scared and tearful face will be the last thing he sees before his watery demise. He sobs out a _yes_ because he wants this over with. Hanging around in limbo is more painful than the chilling water below. He’s accepted his fate now.

No more Ren or Teppei or Natsuhiko or Tomoya or Karma or Maki or _anything_. He’s going to die here, in this town, the same one he was born in, going to buried next to the hospital. A cycle. It’s all just a cycle and this is the natural progression of it.

Akabane takes in a shallow breath, as if he were choking on air and appears to mutter something up to the sky. A prayer? Gakushuu’s head is pounding but he swears he can make out a long string of curses so maybe it’s not a prayer after all. A goodbye? A curse? Who knows. It won’t matter soon anyways.

It seems to happen in slow motion. Akabane mechanically removes his leg from the railing, the last thing keeping him safe and sound on the bridge and with the combination of Gakushuu’s weight pulling him down and two hands in Akabane’s own, it’s enough to pull him over completely.

They fall.

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [um. UM, UMMMMMMMMM](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apology_\(act\)) *hides*
> 
> would u believe this chapter made cry? that says more about me than anything i think
> 
> in all seriousness- i had a lot of conflicting ideas for this chapter. i had orginally planned for karma to attempt suicide n then for nagisa to call gakushuu after karma was hospitalised n be like hey he told me /not/ to tell you but i know you're close so i didnt feel right doing that to you! but yknow. i read onpar and i was like. oh yeah big brain time. i also had gakushuu point the gun at his father originally but gakuhou doesn't value his own life that much sooo
> 
> dont you just love inciting incidents?


	9. nonane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey gamers. what did i miss ?
> 
> this was. difficult to write- purely because of all the possibilities. i think im happy with this tho (even if i did forget abt this fic for a day or so AHAHHAHAHAHA)
> 
> chapter specific trigger warnings: slight body horror (talk of body amputation, talk of theoretical life threatening injuries), very slight survivor's guilt

Gakushuu Asano awakes with someone pressing down hard on his chest and with cold water climbing up his throat. He splutters, coughing up more and takes the first breath in what feels like _days._

He doesn’t know where he is or who’s in front of him, his vision a blur. Through all the haze, all the confusion, he manages out,

“Akabane. Akabane, _where is Karma?_ ”

The hazy specs of light blend together a little and Gakushuu can make out red. Maybe too much red for it to be Akabane, for Akabane’s red is strong and vibrant and this red is watery and translucent.

He takes another breath (it’s more a gasp really, with the way his chest lurches) and realises he can’t hear anything except the rushing of blood in his head and that gives him enough fear to paralyse himself completely.

In his moment of fear, the current takes him again and soon, he slips back under, the darkness enveloping him whole.

He’s brought back up below the surface again but this time, all the colours blend together. White and beige and white once more- no red to be seen. He tries to get up (he’s currently lying down on something more solid than before) but his body seems to be firmly rooted in place. The silhouette over him opens their mouth to talk but the words jumble together, an amalgamation that Gakushuu can’t understand. Combined with the sound of a siren, the nippy smell of disinfectant and the bumpy ride, he starts to take in quick, shallow breaths, forcing himself to think _logically._

If he is here, in this ambulance, then-

Where is Akabane?

Gakushuu tries _harder_ to get up this time, the fear of Akabane being… _dead_ lighting a fire under him like nothing else. He strains himself forward and he throws up water again, his body tingling as the water crawls over him. The (presumed)n paramedic forces him back down, telling him everything’s going to be okay, don’t worry.

Gakushuu starts to choke on his own air, gasping for a breath he cannot take and so, he’s given an oxygen mask.

He slips under once more.

When he awakes again, the hustle and bustle of the back of an ambulance replaced by an eerie stillness, a boat that’s safely nestled in a harbour. He’s propped up at an uncomfortable angle, back aching as he’s nestled cosily under two duvets. There’s a needle in his arm and a mask over his face and his hands are _warm._ Hospital, then.

He blinks away the post-sleep haze, the corner of eyes crusty with sleep and realises his hand is only warm because it’s being held.

By his father.

He jumps immediately at the sound of Gakushuu’s rustling. Gakushuu’s vision may be impaired but even he can tell that his father looks like _shit._

“Asano-“ The other man starts but Gakushuu pulls his hand away, recoiling from the other man.

“I-“ Gakushuu tries to speak but no words come out other than, “ _Akabane._ ”

“Akabane is-“ His father takes his hand again and Gakushuu’s too tired to fight it again. “Akabane is alive.”

Gakushuu lets out a breath he never knew he was holding and for the first time in what seems like years, he’s able to breathe again. Akabane’s alive. He’s not dead. He’s alive and so is Akabane.

Gakushuu then cries, the dam wall that he’s been carefully constructing for a decade now coming undone in seconds. He allows himself, just this once, to snivel and grovel and sob and weep. Hot tears spill down his cheeks and it’s the most alive he’s felt in weeks, no, _years._

His father doesn’t say anything during his crying session, instead just committed to holding his hand tight, as if he were scared Gakushuu would slip through his fingers like dust.

Eventually, there are no more tears left to cry, no more regrets left to mull over. Gakushuu’s left choking on dry sobs and his father silently hands him a bottle of water. As he rehydrates, trying to ignore the voice in his head that screams ‘water = danger’, he rubs his eyes again.

His father leans forward and presses the button on a weird looking remote. Gakushuu frowns at it and his father must’ve picked up on it as he explains, “The nurse told me to buzz if you woke up.”

If.

The nurse comes almost immediately, shooing away his father (who promises to be back as soon as possible) and asks him some general questions- name, age, birthday, what he last remembers, if he can count to ten. She then highlights what he’s been given through IV, what injuries he’s received and what treatment they’ll be referring him too.

“I’m not suicidal,” He finds himself saying, in a voice that is too pathetic, too small to be his. “I wasn’t- I was going to come down from the railing.”

She blinks at him. “Okay.” She says, writing something down on a piece of paper. She doesn’t sound convinced and Gakushuu knows that he can’t persuade her of what _really_ happened. Besides, even if they believed him, they’d still be obligated to refer him for psychiatric treatment.

The nurse leaves briskly, telling him dinner will round soon and as soon as she steps over the doorframe, his father enters again. Now that Gakushuu’s had time to gather his bearings, his vision has improved and there’s one _very_ noticeable detail about the man, one that makeup can’t hide.

“Your nose.”

His father’s hand ghosts his face, his nose sticking out like a grotesque, broken, purple thumb. “Ah, that,” He looks away, in what could be called embarrassment. “Jelavic punched me.”

“Why?”

His father gives him a look.

Gakushuu sighs. “I suppose that was a stupid question,” He looks away from his father, an idea running through his head. “I wasn’t going to.”

“Gakushuu.”

“I’m telling the truth,” His father might not believe him on much else, but Gakushuu has no reason to lie about this. Not now, not to him. “Akabane convinced me to come down. I was going to-!” His hand tenses up, scrunching up the duvet cover. “Akabane. I need to see him.”

His father winces. Gakushuu reads between the lines.

“Where’s Akabane?”

“Akabane’s in theatre.”

Gakushuu learns that he’s not allowed to see Akabane, because Akabane’s undergoing surgery and then, he’ll placed in post-op and Gakushuu doesn’t know what ward he’s in but it’s certainly not post-op. Despite…. _everything,_ he had come out physically unscathed, which is lucky, in its own sick, twisted way. His father doesn’t know about Akabane’s state, so he’s left alone with his thoughts. He can only imagine the worst.

“Gakushuu,” His father tries again. “We need to talk. About this. About us.”

Gakushuu knows he’s right. He’s alive so, by some twist of fate, he’s got another chance. A _conservation_ (one of those kinds) is long overdue, nearly 9 years overdue and while it may too be late for a lot of things, it’s not too late yet. Gakushuu knows that he himself deserves an apology, deserves an explanation at the very least.

“Okay,” He agrees. “But I need to see Akabane first.”

Because he also needs an explanation from him.

His father knows he can’t argue against that, but he does make Gakushuu pinkie-promise that when they get home, they’ll sit down and have a proper conversation. Gakushuu’s too stunned that his father believes in the legal bindingness of a _pinkie promise_ to start dwelling on what exactly he wants to say to his father.

His father visits near enough everyday but the times he does so is sporadic and don’t seem to follow a schedule. It’s not like Gakushuu’s desperate for company, either. If it’s not his father, someone else is by his bedside. Gakushuu’s starting to learn what Akabane had meant by ‘a lot of people would miss you’.

The Virtuoso’s visit first and Gakushuu’s never seen them look so concerned before. Koyama practically breaks down into sobs when he sees him. They bring a card, signed by all of their classmates (and there’s a pang in Gakushuu’s stomach when he realises he’ll have to face them again at some point) and a gift bag. Gakushuu looks in it and gapes.

“No,” He pulls out the box that was hidden under three layers of tissue paper. “You guys-“

“When we heard the news,” Sakakibara shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “Yeah. We figured your phone was destroyed so we chipped in and got a new one.”

Gakushuu opens the box. It’s a newer model than what his old phone was. “This is-“

“Latest model. Not set to release for another few months,” Even Seo has been humbled, his voice no longer acidic and spiteful. “I got it shipped over.”

Gakushuu can’t believe it, nor can he believe that 4 teenagers without jobs manage to pay for it, even if they _are_ extravagantly rich. “Everyone in 1A paid some money forward,” Sakakibara clarifies. “Even some upperclassmen, like the Student Council President.”

As if he could read Gakushuu’s mind, Koyama pipes up with, “Oh, and don’t worry about that either,” He pushes up his glasses, his greasy hair looking healthy for once. “We’ve been shadowing for you.”

“And we’ve caught you and Akabane up with the notes,” Araki smiles but it’s a weak one. “We were gonna visit him but he’s, uh, not here.” And it’s only then that Gakushuu notices the _second_ gift bag, hiding by Sakakibara’s feet.

Gakushuu hates owing people _anything,_ especially money. “How am I supposed to repay you all for this-?” He examines the phone and card once more and realises that he really did win the friendship bingo, huh.

Sakakibara smiles sincerely. “Just- Focus on your recovery, for now. And, ah, learn to rely on us a little, okay?”

The implications of what he’s saying sink in. “I didn’t mean to keep you in the dark,” Gakushuu pictures them phoning his number, ringing a phone that’ll never be answered, having to find out through a second source and a chill runs up his spine. “I’m sorry.”

The other three leave but Araki hangs about a little longer. Gakushuu notices that he’s not wearing his usual glasses, the thick black frames sitting uncomfortably on his face. He seems to be debating on whether he should speak or not.

“Are…you okay?” Gakushuu inquires. It’s not like the other to mull over his words so…carefully but Gakushuu supposes this is a most unique circumstance and that Araki is probably just dancing around the sensitive topic.

Araki’s voice is low as he speaks, “I- I know the journalist. The one who broke that story,” Araki’s eyes darken (or maybe it’s just the bags under his eyes). “I’ll get him fired.” And he’s says it with such conviction that Gakushuu has no desire to try and convince him otherwise.

Jelavic visits, if only for a brief moment, with Karasuma in tow.

Gakushuu blinks at her. “You punched my father.”

She grins. “Damn straight,” Her face then shifts into something more serious. “If you want me to do it again, or even, _you know,_ ” She drags a finger across her throat and making a gurgling sound. “It’s on me. Free of charge.”

“ _Irina!_ ” Karasuma scolds as he hands Gakushuu an envelope. His gaze softens when he turns his attention to Gakushuu. “I’m glad you’re okay, Asano. We’ve, uh, already had a talking with your father.”

Jelavic scoffs. “Talk is a weird way of putting it. We could’ve screamed this hospital down.”

Karasuma pinches the bridge of his nose. Gakushuu notices his knuckles are bruised. “Don’t. I’m still torn up on whether we _should_.”

“Father and I are going to talk about this properly when I get out,” Gakushuu opens the card and can’t hide his smile when he reads what they’ve written for him. “I suppose you’ll want to be there?”

“Preferably, yes,” Karasuma pauses. “But it’s your call at the end of the day.”

The day Yamashiro visits marks the second time Gakushuu’s cried in over a decade. And when she sees his father, she gets up quietly and _slaps_ him before leaving. Both the Asano’s are too shocked to say in response.

Gakushuu’s least expected visitor comes in the form of a well-mannered boy his age with two strands of hair that stick upwards on his head.

“Isogai.” And Gakushuu can’t help but let the confusion to slip into his words because why would Isogai off all people visit… _him_?

“Asano,” Isogai manages a tiny smile, fiddling with an envelope in his hands. “Hi. I heard about what happened and thought I should drop by,” He extends the envelope. “Here. It’s from E Class.”

Gakushuu takes it but doesn’t open it. “What?”

“Karma let us all know what was going to happen,” Isogai takes a seat politely. “He told us there was nothing we could do to help you both in that moment except for phoning an ambulance. We decided to get you a card. I know it seems silly, but we felt it was important to give to you.”

“I don’t get it,” Gakushuu stares down at his hand, the envelope feeling like lead. “I was…horrible to E Class last year, _you_ in particular. Why would you…”

Isogai chuckles nervously. “Ah. Yeah,” He rubs the back of his head. “I know you had your moments last year, but I also figured your life must’ve been a lot more…difficult to navigate through,” He explains. “It doesn’t excuse everything you’ve done but it’s not enough for me to hold a grudge at a time like this.”

It’s then Gakushuu opens the card, which is filled from top to bottom with giant walls of text. Gakushuu counts the individual handwriting styles and realises that _everyone_ in E Class signed this card. Everyone including-

“Akabane signed this card?”

Isogai nods. “He told me he wanted to sign it before I gave it to you,” He averts his eyes. “He told me not to tell you he got out of post-theatre, but I think that’s a little unfair.”

“Akabane’s here? In this ward?”

“A few rooms down.”

God bless Isogai Yuuma.

When he leaves, with Gakushuu thanking him and E Class, he slinks out of bed and makes his way down the corridor, in attempt to spot a boy with red hair and a stupid grin.

Akabane looks so small, bundled up in a thick duvet and _then_ a knitted blanket _and_ at least 3 extra cushions. His face is unmoving as he plays some game on his handheld console. He’s paler than usual, as if the colour had been washed out of his system.

“Akabane.”

The other looks up. “Asano,” He sets down the console on the bedside table. “Isogai told you, huh?”

Gakushuu nods. “Yeah. Can I come in?”

“Sure.” He waves a hand and it’s only then that Gakushuu sees the cast. Akabane’s wrist is practically encased in plaster, metal beams supporting from the outside.

He must notice Gakushuu’s staring for he hides it under the blanket again. “Ah, don’t look too frightened,” He dismisses, nonchalantly. “It’s not that sore.”

“It’s broken,” Gakushuu’s never seen any bone broken _that_ badly before and suddenly the time in surgery makes sense. “Like. Actually broken.”

Akabane hums. “It might have to get,” Akabane mimics a knife with his good hand in a chopping motion. “The nerves are _fucked,_ in layman’s terms _._ ”

So not just broken. “I’m sorry.”

“It’ll probably be fine,” He shrugs but then the worry seeps back into his eyes again. “I’m ambidextrous anyways.”

Gakushuu swallows hard. “I’m sorry.”

“I’ll bite you if I catch you apologising again,” Akabane threatens, leaning back in the bed. “Not your fault. My idea for us to fall. Besides,” He looks away. “It was my wrist or your neck.”

“Pardon?”

“You couldn’t see cos you were over the railing but,” He uses his good hand to indicate size. “Huge, chunk of rock. You would’ve snapped your neck.”

Gakushuu has never prepared a response to ‘hey, I saved your life by risking my hand’ and least to Akabane, of all people. Realistically, he should say a lot more. He feels like he should write Akabane an essay, a thesis on his gratitude. But Gakushuu knows that’s not what the other wants. Akabane didn’t do what he did for grandiose displays of thanks. So instead, Gakushuu settles on,

“Thanks.”

Akabane nods. “Yeah.”

He stays with Akabane for the rest of the day, neither wanting to be alone. A nurse comes into visit at one point and sees these two, less-than-functionally teenagers clinging to each other like cellophane and smartly decides that they’re not paid high enough to split the two apart.

Later into the evening, when the sun’s almost completely gone, Akabane makes a show of yawning loudly and mumbles that he’s going for a nap. Gakushuu waits until he’s asleep before leaving, deciding to make sure that the other really is asleep. Before he leaves, however, his eyes pick up on Akabane’s patient information sheet. It’s hanging outside of its pocket on the bedframe and Gakushuu is… a little curious.

He picks up the sheet, eyes carefully trained on Akabane to make sure he doesn’t wake up as he scans through the sheets, not sure what exactly he’s looking for. He skips over the injury report, which does feel a little too invasive, even for him and instead, just reads Akabane’s personal information.

Curiously enough, the first line he reads is all the information he needs.

_[PATIENT NAME: AKABANE, KICHIROU DANIIL]_

Before Gakushuu can even think about typing Kichirou Akabane into a search engine, two adults stand in the doorway of Akabane’s room. From the corner of his eye, Gakushuu first assumes them to be Jelavic and Karasuma, with the blurry figures he can make out from the corner of his eye.

This is not the case.

The woman looks similar to Jelavic but her blonde hair is thin and damaged, like straw and her golden eyes are soulless, nails chipped with polish. The broad man behind her has Karasuma’s everything- unimpressed look, short hair, strong posture. But his hair- it’s the colour of a fire truck.

Gakushuu furrows his brow. They look… familiar. With _that_ colour of hair and _that_ eye colour…That would mean-

“Could you excuse us? We need to speak to our son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and hence the akabane trauma plot line is whirring to life, hell yeah
> 
> *breakdances* can't wait to actually characterise the akabane's. they've been in a few of my fics but i haven't had time to Flesh Them Out. that ends here!!!! elizaveta and akihito count ur FUCKING days u pussies!!!!!
> 
> (also we're not 'done' with the asano's. i know it may seem like it, esp with the introduction of the akabane's but trust me. gakuhou still has a ways to go)
> 
> last chapter of 2020! hope everyone has a good celebration n i hope everyones 2021 is better than this year <33


	10. decane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FORGOT TO ADD KICHIROUS MIDDLE NAME SO IVE EDITED THE LAST CHAPTER LIKE ITS A TINY PLOT POINT LATER ON SO LIKE READ THE LAST PART OF NONANE AGAIN or dont u dont have to listen to me. the middle name is mentioned at the start of this chapter anyways so u dont have to reread! 
> 
> anyways. if u didn't notice i have now created a series for this fic! (YES ITS NAMED AFTER SMTH FROM ORGANIC CHEM, YES I COULDNT HELP MYSELF SORRY YES I HATE ORGANIC CHEM BUT IT HAS A WEIRD HOLD OVER ME) bcos. since the narrative kinda focuses on gakushuu, it doesn't allow for other character's narratives. so i have a few ideas of other stories i want to tell within the viscosity universe that dont rely on gakushuu *being there or awake* to see it happen (tl:dr- i want to write sum stuff abt karma's pov and MAYBE gakuhou. maybe)
> 
> [government mandated song rec guys its not ferry this time i promise](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVeMiVU77wo&list=PLgZKzmrBpIi5O2fUtzyIioBr8F4xQKAM-)

Kichirou Daniil Akabane.

Kichirou.

It leaves a weird taste in Gakushuu’s mouth and he’s not sure why, the pronunciation unfamiliar and heavy. It doesn’t _sound_ right, doesn’t suit him. Gakushuu goes through possible scenarios in his head (with the ‘secret twin’ one being his favourite). However, before he can ask Akabane (who Gakushuu isn’t sure if he’s Karma or Kichirou or both or neither), the other has gone, been discharged from hospital eerily early for how severe his injuries were.

The weirdest part is that he didn’t even _tell_ Gakushuu, who (unknowingly) walked into a complete stranger’s room thinking Akabane would be there.

At least, Gakushuu _hopes_ the other has been discharged. The alternative is…

Yeah. Best not to go there.

Akabane’s name aside, the other mystery- his parents. Akabane had the _vibe_ of an orphan or at the very least, a ward of the state and had either brushed or laughed off any mention of his parents in the past. Gakushuu’s intrigue has been piqued; he keeps himself entertained by imagining what kind of parenting it would take to result in _Akabane._

He leaves the hospital, Akabane-explanation-less and with an appointment with Yamashiro as soon as possible and also his father kicks up enough fuss that he gets to leave in a wheelchair. Which is so over-dramatic.

“I can walk.” He tries to protest but it falls on deaf ears.

To Gakushuu’s surprise, he’s actually being allowed to go to school. He had spent many a day in the hospital, sitting quietly and thinking about the home schooling he’ll be forced to endure when he was discharged. It’s probably better he goes to school sooner rather than later anyways. He has a feeling that, if he doesn’t return soon, some unsavoury individuals might start spreading rumours and Gakushuu has enough on his plate as is. Gakushuu asks Yamashiro about it when he sees her next.

“Your father,” And she’s trying her very best to look professional, God bless her, but she looks like she might burst a blood vessel from how tightly wound she is. “Wanted you to be home schooled for a month or so. I swiftly put in a motion to block that, however.”

Home is weird. The angry crowd has now died down completely, seemingly having better things to do than hang outside the Asano residence but the guard’s posted outside remain all the same. Gakushuu think it’s more for his benefit than anything else.

The Conversation That They Need To Have hangs in the air like a bad smell and Gakushuu is still currently reeling from, well, _everything_ so he’ll be damned if _he’s_ going to be the one to mention it.

It’s his father who eventually brings it up, a day after his discharge from the hospital, as he cooks dinner. Gakushuu’s catching up on emails he never had a chance to reply to. “I spoke to Akabane first,” He starts and Gakushuu’s grip on his new phone tightens, almost crushing it. This is _not_ how he wanted to start _this_ conversation. He looks up from his phone regardless. “You were unconscious, and I was angry,” His father pauses, his voice small. “And scared.”

Akabane didn’t mention speaking with his father. Gakushuu swallows. “What did you do?” And it’s asked out of curiosity and fear.

His father sets down the wooden spoon. He doesn’t answer the question, not directly anyways. “But when I saw the state of him, drowned and bleeding half to death, I realised I had misplaced my anger,” He looks at Gakushuu and there’s a weird look in his eyes that Gakushuu’s never seen before. He realises it’s remorse. “I was not angry at you or him. I was angry at myself.”

Gakushuu frowns and the words come tumbling out before he can stop himself. “I hope you’re not expecting pity.”

His father doesn’t seem too taken aback by the comment. “I’m not looking for pity.”

The sentence feels incomplete, as if there were something else he had wanted to say. But, regardless of recent events, his father is still his father and he’s still perched on a wall of emotional unavailability. The wall is admittedly unstable and could collapse at any time but it’s a wall all the same.

When Gakushuu doesn’t reply, his father continues again. “The E Class system has always been a failure. I see this now,” He shakes his head. “I’m ashamed that it took me so long to notice.” Which is an understatement of the year.

“How did it even come about?” Gakushuu inquires. He had always been…iffy on the system, especially in his final year of junior high. The idea of making children motivated sounded good in theory but the notion of ‘if you don’t achieve a perfect score, you’re fundamentally not strong’ has always rubbed Gakushuu the wrong way. It had always been a curious thing. Its creation had seemingly arisen after a week’s solitude and a failed suicide attempt. “I know it has something to do with _him,_ but I don’t know the specifics.”

Instead of the usual lecture he would receive for mention _him_ in vain, his father blinks at him. “You don’t remember?”

“I was 6. All I remember was you shutting me out for a week and then almost dying in the kitchen.”

“Oh.”

Gakushuu hums to himself. “Yeah.”

His father sets down a plate of food in front of him and carefully takes a seat at the table. “…I know that must’ve been scary for you.”

Scary was an understatement. The only reason Gakushuu wasn’t torn up about it was because he had bigger fish to fry, scarier demons to face. “I thought you were going to die.”

“Then you know how it felt for me when I got that phone call.”

Gakushuu looks away, focusing his attention on the fraying edge of a rug. “I was going to step down, you know.”

“I know. I believe you,” Gakushuu sighs to himself, glad that he won’t have to fight the ‘you never believe me’ battle with his father over this. “That’s another reason why I wasn’t angry at Akabane. I knew he had saved your life.”

Gakushuu knows it’s a truth he can’t escape but that doesn’t stop the guilt that blooms in his stomach. “He might lose his wrist.”

“And if he does, I’ll pay for a prosthetic,” His father offers. “But it’s best not to think in hypotheticals. I don’t want you stressing yourself out anymore than you have to.”

And Gakushuu _supposes_ that’s semi-decent advice so he puts the horrible thought of Akabane needing an amputation on the back burner.

He goes to sleep that night and when he awakes the next day, he practically jumps out of his skin.

“Why are you here?” He asks his father, pulling his covers up a little higher.

His father closes the book he was reading, setting it aside on his desk. “I had a nightmare.”

Gakushuu doesn’t press further, doesn’t really want to know what kind of nightmares it takes to scare his father, but he does work out an arrangement with his father that he leave his bedroom door open at night in exchange for his father never watching him sleep like that again.

Karasuma and Jelavic visit as promised and it’s his father who answers the door to the two. Gakushuu doesn’t miss the way his father sharply inhales when he greets Jelavic. She briskly walks past him to greet Gakushuu.

“Hi,” She whispers before giving him a hug. “You holding up okay? Old offer still stands.”

Gakushuu laughs nervously. “I’m okay. Thank you, though.”

It feels like a meeting, with the way the two parties are sat at opposite ends of the table. Karasuma has his laptop open and Gakushuu notices his father’s posture is rigid, that he might shatter if he crosses his legs.

“In the interest of both parties,” Karasuma starts, in that official tone of his. “What exactly transpired before the…” He trails off. Gakushuu doesn’t blame him.

His father adjusts his tie. “Those news articles.”

“About Ikeda Rikuto?”

“…Yes.” His father’s voice is tight, to the point he might break down into a coughing fit.

Araki had stayed true to his word and the journalist had been fired. Gakushuu makes a mental note to learn how to bake or _something,_ as a way of repaying his friends. Akabane included.

Karasuma shuffles through some paperwork, murmuring quietly with Jelavic about it. He eventually reaches a conclusion. “I think it would be in your benefit to extend your sessions with Dr Yamashiro. And to continue to have police on standby.”

His father nods his head slowly. “I would be inclined to agree with you.”

“In the incident report form,” Karasuma slides the paper over to the other side of the table. “You mentioned the presence of a weapon,” He then turns to Gakushuu. “Were you injured?”

Gakushuu shakes his head. “No-“

“There was a gun,” His father mentions casually. “Gakushuu had it. But I don’t know where it went.”

Gakushuu realises his father still doesn’t know the truth about the weapon. “It wasn’t real,” And then he remembers he fell from the bridge with the gun still on him. “It’s probably gone now.”

“Where did you-“ Karasuma squints at Gakushuu. “Was it an anti-sensei gun?”

Gakushuu shifts in his seat, Karasuma’s gaze piercing through him. “…Yes.”

“Did Akabane give you that?” Karasuma asks but it would appear he already knows the answer.

“…Yes.”

His father snaps his head to look at him. “You pretended to have a gun?” He asks, incredulous.

“You were murderous,” Gakushuu retorts. “It made you see sense again.”

Karasuma groans. “That’s a restricted item. He shouldn’t have-“

Jelavic doesn’t seem too peeved off. “He already knew about Korosensei. I don’t think it’s _that_ bad.” She shrugs.

“At the end of the day, it’s still a restricted item,” Karasuma says with clenched teeth. “Most of my colleagues and even some of my _superiors_ can’t know about their existence. If the Board found out that a _child_ not involved with the operation knew, it would be our heads on the chopping block. It’s made worse by the fact the firearm is _gone._ ”

“Well, it’s a good thing that the Board _won’t_ find out, huh?” Jelavic smiles mischievously and Karasuma groans again, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Please don’t punish Akabane,” Gakushuu pipes up. “I asked him to give me one.” Which technically isn’t the truth but Akabane did do him a favour (he sure seems to a lot of them)

“Well, that’s another thing. We wanted to ask Akabane about it ourselves but-“

“We can’t get a hold of him.” Jelavic finishes

Karasuma looks a little annoyed, having been cut off but regardless, he continues. “Have you been able to contact him? Ever since he left the hospital, no one has been able to contact him,” He adjusts his sleeves. “E Class says he hasn’t spoken in their group chat in a concerning while now.”

Akabane disappearing of the face of the world _sounds_ in character and then Gakushuu remembers that the other is injured and most definitely shouldn’t be alone. “I don’t know anything,” He shrugs his shoulders slightly. “…I haven’t messaged him in a while.” He admits, guiltily

“When was the last time you saw him?”

Gakushuu’s eyes widen. This suddenly feels like he’s speaking to the police. “Is Akabane…missing?”

Karasuma shakes his head while Jelavic nods. “I am so close to filing a missing person’s report.” She confesses.

Karasuma frowns at his colleague. “That’s a little dramatic-“

“Think about it! He mysteriously disappeared from the hospital, no one’s been in contact, he’s young, he’s at his most vulnerable,” Jelavic reasons. “I never thought I’d say this, but I’m really worried about the brat.”

Gakushuu supposes that’s quite sweet, all things considered. And then it hits him. He straightens up a little in his seat. “Oh. I forgot to mention. The last time I saw Akabane, it was cut short by his parent’s visiting.”

Jelavic narrows her eyes at him. “Akabane doesn’t have parents,” She whispers, turning to look at Karasuma. “…Does he have parents…?”

Karasuma nods his head. “He does. We never met them.”

“Did Korosensei?”

“Not to my knowledge.”

Gakushuu turns to his father. “Did _you_ ever meet them?”

His father doesn’t have to think about his answer, replying automatically. “No,” He shakes his head. “They never attended his disciplinary hearing either.”

Gakushuu recalls all the information that’s been gathered so far. Akabane _has_ parents, presumably biological ones but no one except for Gakushuu himself have even _seen_ them, yet alone speak to them. Given the way they never attended their son’s hearing and the way that Akabane _refused_ to ever speak about them, Gakushuu can’t imagine the relationship between the two parties is very good.

“I can describe them to you.” Gakushuu offers meekly.

Karasuma declines and instead asks, “Do you know their names? If I can get a name, I can get a phone number.”

Gakushuu shakes his head. “No. I hardly spoke to them.” They had asked him to leave the hospital room and he had (foolishly) not behind him to wave goodbye to Akabane.

Father raises an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t you already be able to do that? Akabane will already be on the system.”

“We tried. For some reason, ‘Karma Akabane’ doesn’t come up on the system,” Karasuma frowns to himself. “We couldn’t even find any bank statements or phone bills addressed to that name.”

“That _is_ odd.” His father comments. Jelavic hums in agreement.

And then the other shoe drops. The name on the medical form, the fact that ‘Karma Akabane’ isn’t on any government databases, the whole notion of someone’s first name being _Karma,_ of all things. Gakushuu can’t stop the gasp that escapes him. “That’s because his name isn’t actually Karma. It’s legally _Kichirou._ ”

And before anyone can even begin to digest that Karma Akabane has legally never existed, there’s a sharp knock at the door. Gakushuu can’t hide the way he leaps from his seat, can’t hide the smile on his face. There’s no way it could be him.

But they say if you speak of the devil, he shall appear.

But Akabane is no devil and so, when Gakushuu opens the door, expecting a bandaged-up teenager, he frowns when he notices it’s just one of the security guards.

“This was wanting to come in,” He says, handing Gakushuu a cat. “Sorry. It was being loud out here.”

And the cat curls up in Gakushuu’s arm, automatically purring and Gakushuu notices the healing wound above it’s eye and realises that this is no normal cat.

It’s Maki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look. im glad maki is back too, i love that wee gamer something else. but. question. why isn't maki at the akabanes? (the answer may shock you) akihito and elizaveta count UR FUCKING DAYS!!! 
> 
> karma on god bro ur hand is gonna be okay !
> 
> also pogchamp moment- i realised what i want the ending to be :')) the light at the end of the tunnel :))
> 
> (also chapter names r gonna get UGLY now cos chem is a fanny when it comes to naming homologous series past 10 or so. like dec- makes sense but, on god, how tf is undecane- 11??? hentriacontane- 31??? love chem but also it is a Fanny subject so pls bear with me with the chapter names i just dont want the aesthetic to be ruined :((( )


	11. undecane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey! long time no see! 
> 
> undecane is such a gross name. why would they do that to my poor boy. but regardless we move!
> 
> cool epic fun fact- undecane has 159 isomers and is used by insects to signal when they want to mate! pretty neato huh

Gakushuu brings Maki back into the house, into the light and warmth and comically, as if on cue, his father sneezes, causing Jelavic to almost jump out of her skin.

“Where did _that_ come from?” His father asks, voice groggy as he points at Maki.

Gakushuu instinctively scratches behind the cat’s ear. “Her name is Maki,” He mumbles, frowning softly. “One of the guards outside gave me her.”

Father sneezes again, face slowly redding from his allergies. Jelavic doesn’t jump this time, instead leaning forward in her chair.

“Maki is a cute name,” Jelavic coos, waggling a finger in Maki’s face. Maki leans over to sniff the finger. “I never realised you have a cat.”

Gakushuu and his father speak at the same time. “We don’t.”

Karasuma raises an eyebrow. “Why is it here then?”

“Gakushuu, get rid of it,” His father dismisses, eyes watery. “Oh my God, if that thing makes me cry…”

Gakushuu holds up Maki, his hands nestled under her arms. “She’s smart,” He comments. “She’s never even been here before and she still knew where to go,” He turns to his father. “She’s half mine, half Akabane’s.” He explains.

Father doesn’t look impressed. “You never told me you adopted a-“ He’s cut off by another sneeze.

Gakushuu rolls his eyes. “I’ll take her back to Akabane’s. He doesn’t live far from here.”

He had meant to walk back alone to Akabane’s but at the mention of seeing Akabane (and by extension, finally concluding the little mystery they had discovered), Jelavic volunteers to accompany him.

“A boy needs an attendant,” She waggles her fingers. “For the night is dark and dangerous-“

“It’s 3 in the afternoon-“

“My point still stands.”

Gakushuu doesn’t try to fight her on it and so he agrees with a shrug of his shoulders.

Once they’re outside, she turns to him almost immediately. “So,” Jelavic raises an eyebrow. “Half yours, half Akabane’s _huh_?”

There’s something else she’s trying to say there but Gakushuu is too focused on Maki to pick up on it, so he doesn’t rise to it. “She was a stray, you see. We both found her, but she lives with Akabane.”

“Because your dad’s allergic?”

“Because he can barely look after a child,” Gakushuu rolls his eyes. “Allergies aside, I wouldn’t feel…ah, comfortable with leaving her alone with him.” Leaving them together would either result in a dead man or a cat being fed to centipedes. Neither are very attractive options.

“She’s a cute cat,” At that Gakushuu smiles at her. “You’re very affectionate with her.”

As if she had been listening herself, Maki curls in closer to Gakushuu’s chest. “She’s a baby.” Gakushuu simply mumbles.

They fall into a comfortable silence, the only sound being the sound of jewellery clanking against more jewellery. It starts to become a too repetitive for Gakushuu’s liking, slowly but surely getting on his nerves.

He calls her out on it. “You’re worried about Akabane , aren’t you? You’ve been fiddling with that bracelet.”

“Good eyes,” She lopsidedly smiles at him. “You know, you really should’ve been in E Class,” She sighs. “You would make a good assassin.”

Gakushuu blinks at her. “I’m going to take that as a compliment,” He pauses. “I think.”

Jelavic seems pleased with his response but the smile is soon replaced by a solemn look . “Admittedly, _yeah._ I am worried,” She looks away. “Shit’s been rough recently, for both of you.” She adds on.

Gakushuu hums sadly. He still needs to have a Talk with Akabane about that. Unless the redhead was content with just not mentioning it but that doesn’t feel like the right thing to do, all things considered. Maybe not a Talk Talk kind of talk but certainly, at the very least, a proper acknowledgement.

“You know…” Jelavic sighs happily to herself. “It wasn’t…planned yet or anything _but_ ,” There’s a pink dusting on her cheek as she scratches her cheek idly. “I was looking into adopting that damn brat.”

That is _not_ what Gakushuu had expected. He can’t mask his surprise. “Really?” He near enough splutters.

“’Course!” She automatically frowns. “Why? You think I wouldn’t be good at it?”

Gakushuu shakes his head. “It’s not that. I just… you don’t seem like the type to adopt.”

“Until this past year, that’s what I thought too. But, you know, I taught those E Class brats and it got me thinking.”

“You would want to become a proper teacher?”

She shrugs. “At the very least, I would like to look after a child. And Akabane’s a pretty special kid.”

Gakushuu scoffs lightly. “That’s one way of putting it. Why him?” Gakushuu would never openly say it but if he had to adopt one child from E Class, his first choice _certainly_ wouldn’t be Akabane.

“Me and Tadaomi visited all the kids over the holiday break, to give them a full debriefing of what would happen next and the sorts.”

_First name basis with Karasuma,_ Gakushuu notes.

“We met with all of their families as well, to offer any support they might’ve needed but,” Jelavic shakes her head. “When we visited Akabane, his house was…weird. Never saw his parents, that’s why I thought he was an orphan. There was plastic sheets over the furniture and most of the lights were off. It didn’t seem like anyone actually lived there. And every time we spoke to the kid, agh, I don’t know,” She grimaces slightly. “He seemed… _sad._ Lonely.”

Gakushuu focuses on the repetitive scratches he’s giving Maki; ignores the growing pang of guilt he feels in his stomach. “You felt bad.” He says but really, what he means is, _I feel bad._

Jelavic nods slow in agreement. “Hard not to. I mean, I had assumed he was an orphan. Ward of the state, type of deal,” She waves her hand dismissively. “And while he might live comfortably, in that nice house of his, he’s still missing _something._ ”

Gakushuu blinks. He has a feeling Jelavic isn’t done yet.

Jelavic fiddles again with her bracelet again. “I guess I saw myself in him,” She admits in a small voice. “If circumstances had been rougher for him…he likely could’ve ended up like me. I think I just wanted to break the cycle or something stupid. Give back to this world.” She trails off, voice becoming smaller and smaller until she’s stopped talking completely.

Jelavic doesn’t disclose any information about her past and Gakushuu doesn’t press further.

She wraps a strand of her golden hair around her finger. “Don’t mention this to him,” Her voice is still small, meek. Gakushuu’s not sure what ‘him’ she means. “I still have edges to smooth out yet. The fact he actually _has_ parents complicates things.”

Gakushuu nods. “But of course. Your secret is safe with me.”

“I can’t believe he never even mentioned them. And on top of that- his real name! Kichirou,” She muses to herself. “Weird. I don’t think I like it.”

_Finally,_ someone said it. “There’s something _off_ about it,” Gakushuu agrees. “He has a middle name too, I think,” His mind flashes back to the hospital, a foggy haze of disinfectant clouding over his vision. “Daniil.” He speaks slowly. The name isn’t Japanese, but he hazards a guess for its pronunciation.

Jelavic breath hitches in her throat, if only slightly. “Daniil?” She blinks. “That’s- _Motherfucker!_ ” Gakushuu amusedly notes that she swears in a slight American accent. _“_ I can’t believe he never mentioned he was a Slav!”

“Daniil is of Eastern European descent?” And hey, now that she’s mentioned it, it does have that ring to it.

Jelavic nods enthusiastically. “Yes! It’s Russian,” She mutters under her breath in what Gakushuu assumes is Russian. Or maybe Serbian. Or maybe it’s Belarussian. “Like Daniel.”

She’s so caught up with the idea of Akabane being even remotely Slavic that they almost walk past his house completely. She swears in that Slavic language again.

“There’s a nice car parked outside,” She points out. “That wasn’t there when we visited.”

It _is_ a nice car, Gakushuu notes in appreciation. “The Akabane’s are wealthy,” Jelavic turns to look at him. “That’s what they’re known for in general. Money.”

“Rich kid things,” She waves her hand in the direction of the front door. “I’ll stand here. You go return Maki-chan.” Jelavic pets Maki goodbye.

The walk up the Akabane driveway is daunting. Gakushuu isn’t one to get intimidated, it’s just not in his character to but the paved driveway seems never-ending, a twisting spiral of bricks and rubber and weeds. He holds onto Maki a little tighter to pull himself through it and then he’s at Akabane’s door.

He clears his throat and gingerly presses the buzzer.

The door opens and the woman who’s Not Jelavic and Is Akabane’s Mother appears. In this light, Gakushuu can clearly see that her hair is paler in comparison to Jelavic’s own and it’s visibly damaged, dry and Gakushuu imagines how easily it would crack and disintegrate in his hands. But her eyes. They’re just like Akabane’s own, vortexes of mercury and gold, albeit the dark bags underneath.

“Yes?” Her voice is flat, no inflection or tone. Lifeless.

“Hi. I’m a friend of your son’s. This is his cat.” To emphasise his point, he holds out Maki at arm’s length.

The woman blinks. “Okay.” Is all she says to him before looking over her shoulder and calling out in a language that Gakushuu, once again, doesn’t understand. It sounds similar to the language Jelavic muttered in previously, so Gakushuu makes an educated guess and assumes it’s Russian.

Gakushuu expects Akabane to come to the door but it is not the case. It’s his father, brilliant red hair wet, as if he’d just gotten out of the shower.

He takes one look at Gakushuu and Maki, his dark eyes hiding thunderstorms. “We don’t have a cat.” He states blankly.

Gakushuu continues to hold out Maki. “It’s Akabane’s.”

“ _I’m_ Akabane.”

Clearly, being difficult runs through the family. Gakushuu holds back a roll of his eyes. “No, I meant your son.”

Akabane Senior doesn’t budge. “My son doesn’t have a cat either,” He narrows his eyes. “You were that boy at the hospital.”

“Yes, I-“ Gakushuu attempts to introduce himself but the door is slammed shut in his face, with enough force that Maki jumps a little. Gakushuu stands there in silent disbelief. He’s too shocked to even attempt to knock on the door again, his mind left reeling from whatever sick display of power he’s just experienced.

He walks back down the driveway, blood pounding in his head. When Jelavic sees him, she raises an eyebrow when she notices that Maki’s still in Gakushuu’s arms. “Is Akabane okay?” She asks.

“I don’t know,” Gakushuu answers truthfully. “It wasn’t him who answered the door.”

Jelavic grimaces slightly. “His parents then.” Her voice is tight.

Gakushuu nods. “Yeah. His mother spoke Russian, I think,” Gakushuu might not speak the language but he’s good at parroting. He tries his best to repeat what Akabane’s mother had said to her husband, admittedly probably butchering the language.

Jelavic blinks. “Are you… Are you sure she said that?”

“Almost positive. What did she say?”

The other clicks her tongue, face twisted slightly. “She called _you_ ‘tangerine’ and…she called Maki ‘dirty mongrel’.”

Gakushuu’s hand automatically goes to his hair. “Tangerine…?” He holds Maki closer to his chest. “Why would she-” He cuts himself off frowning. He doesn’t really want to know, nor does he want to know why he was identified as ‘that boy from the hospital’. It’s probably not very nice either way.

The walk back to the Asano residence is completed in silence, with Gakushuu sending Akabane a text, figuring it’s long overdue.

**[asano: Maki appeared at my house earlier. I tried to give her back, but your parents wouldn’t take her.]**

He sends that text and spares a glance over at Jelavic, who’s nibbling on her bottom lip. He sighs to himself.

**[asano: A lot of people are worried about you. Are you okay?]**

There’s no response but the message has been delivered so at least the other’s got it. Gakushuu pockets his phone and focuses on the rhythm of Maki’s soft purrs, flexing his hands in time with the beat.

His father is simply ecstatic (read: he sneezes so hard and actually cries) when he learns Maki will be staying with the Asano’s indefinitely. Maki, completely unaware of the power she’s wielding, simply lets out a content meow and his father grumbles under his breath about how he’ll take antihistamines. 

Just as Gakushuu’s settling for bed that night, with Karasuma and Jelavic long gone and with Maki curled up on his bed, his phone buzzes.

And of course, it’s _him_ because who else would it be?

**[akabane: hey]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gakushuu, at the akabane residence: why do i hear boss music....
> 
> fun fact: daniil is karma's middle name because i said so.
> 
> maki is the strongest character in ac but only because she could eliminate the principal without lifting a finger.
> 
> also. i might have the rest of this fic outlined! which is very pog. shouldn't have too many chapters left :))


	12. dodecane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY im back!! :D i literally had no inspo for this for ages and then i got some a few nights ago. oh the joys of fic writing!
> 
> [if u wanna listen to the song karma's jamming to this chapter (and is, coincidentally, my song choice for the character of kichirou akabane here it is :))](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AosaJ9AnT68)

Gakushuu doesn’t respond to Akabane’s text and instead, immediately phones the other. The call is answered instantaneously. “Hey.” Comes the laissez faire voice of one Akabane, slipping into casual conversation as if he hasn’t been radio silent.

“What the shit?”

“Huh?”

“You, You-,” Gakushuu splutters, his tongue too slow to keep up with his mind. He takes in a deep breath and calms himself down. “Where have you been?”

“Home. Where else would I be?” He answers, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Gakushuu pinches the bridge of his nose in mild frustration. “Yeah and who _else_ is home? Why is Maki here?”

Akabane falls silent, mumbling something under his breath that Gakushuu can’t hear. “…You came to my house?”

Gakushuu nods, even though Akabane can’t see him. “Me and Jelavic-sensei both did.”

“Shit, seriously?” Akabane noticeably sounds stressed, worn thin. “That’s- argh.” He groans.

“Is something wrong?” Because Akabane has been acting strange and he seems rather stressed out about this current predicament.

Akabane shuffles, the muffling noise blocking out some noise. Gakushuu can still make out enough of what the other is saying. “…Do you remember that park in our general vicinity?”

It feels like a million years ago, sitting on asphalt with Akabane talking, the lingering scent of smoke in the air. “The one where I found you smoking?”

“Yeah. That one. Meet me there in, uhhhhh, 30 minutes?”

He hangs up before Gakushuu can answer.

* * *

Many moons ago, this would’ve been a covert operation, one that involved having to sneak out, one that would involve lying to his father.

Now it’s a case of “I’m meeting Akabane at the park.”

Father blinks. “Are you returning the cat?”

Maki’s been locked in Gakushuu’s room while he’s out, lest she fall victim to being thrown out. “No.”

Father seems annoyed by that fact, rather than the park meetup thing. He waves a hand towards the door. “Just be back before nine.”

Akabane’s at the park when Gakushuu arrives, unplugging his headphones. His hair’s been cut short, to the point where it’s unable to be bunched up into even a tiny ponytail. His bad arm is secured in a wrist support and there’s light bags under his eyes but aside from that, he looks alright. Alright enough for someone who recently got out of the hospital, at least.

“Your hair,” Gakushuu can’t help but comment. His eyes shift to the headphones around his neck, the thumping beat still audible. “Your music is loud. You look tired.”

Akabane’s hand runs through his hair (or at least what’s left of it). “Don’t. I hate it,” He turns down the music. “There. You happy?”

“Extremely,” Gakushuu sits down next to Akabane on the bench. “Why did you cut it?” Akabane’s hair had been extremely similar to Gakushuu’s own. Now that it’s short, the resemblance is lost.

Akabane rolls his eyes, but the malice behind it isn’t aimed at Gakushuu. “Obviously, I didn’t cut it.”

“Your parents then.” Gakushuu deduces.

Akabane sighs. “You really met my parents?”

“Yes,” Gakushuu pictures the two in his mind. Now that he’s face to face with Akabane, who’s tired eyes and short hair are reminiscent of his parent’s, they really do look alike. “They were at the hospital. And your house.”

Akabane hums. “You met both?”

Gakushuu nods. “Neither were happy to see me the other day.” Akabane’s father stern and murderous stare and Akabane’s mother disinterested, blank look both point towards the idea that neither of them are very upbeat individuals. 

“That’s just how they are,” Akabane complains, leaning back on the bench. “Fucking life suckers.”

They sit in brief silence, with Gakushuu mulling over his next choice of words. “I thought you were an orphan. You never talked about them.”

Akabane snorts. “For good reason. They’re awful.”

“Really?”

“My mother threw Maki out,” Akabane nods in the direction of the Asano household. “That’s why she’s with you.”

“I did wonder why she appeared,” Gakushuu mumbles. “Is she allergic?”

“What? No,” Akabane shakes his head. “Allergic to cats, no. Allergic to children? Yes.”

Gakushuu doesn’t like the implications of that. “Are- Are you okay?” He asks, voice hitching in pitch. “Do you need a place to stay?”

Akabane’s eyes flutter shut for a brief second. “I’m okay,” His good hand unconsciously rubbing the wrist support. “Besides, it would only make things worse if I ran away.” He whispers cryptically, head turned away from Gakushuu.

Gakushuu had a feeling that whatever was going on with Akabane and his parents wouldn’t be easily fixed, that Akabane wouldn’t have an easy solution to it. He decides to drop it for now but makes a mental note to inform Jelavic and _maybe_ some of Akabane’s former classmates.

“How’s your wrist?” Gakushuu asks because that’s the topic that’s on his mind most days and there’s still a deep twang of guilt when he looks at it.

Akabane stops touching the wrist support. “Okay. I’m on meds for it,” He winces. “It’ll take time to heal but it should heal.”

The words come projectile vomiting out. “I’m sorry.”

Akabane kicks Gakushuu in the shin. “Say that again and I _will_ batter you,” His eyes are ablaze. “I’m not even joking.”

Gakushuu swallows thickly, having to bite his tongue from attempting to apologise. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you,” He pauses, blinking away tears. “How much that meant to me. How I wish I could go back and change that day,” He pauses again, taking in one deep breath. “You saved my life.”

Saying it out loud feels like a weight off his chest. At least he can now admit that Akabane saved his life and it hadn’t been for Akabane, he likely wouldn’t be here today to tell the tale.

Akabane’s eyes simmer down a little as he scoffs lightly. “I did what was necessary.”

“Still,” Gakushuu tries. “You were there when no one else was.”

“In what way?”

Gakushuu thinks about it for a moment before shrugging. “Every way, I guess.”

Akabane opens his mouth to speak, his fingers twitching but he’s cut off by a text message coming through. His phone screen is at an angle that means Gakushuu can’t see what the message says but judging by Akabane’s displeased look, it can’t be good.

He practically jumps to his feet, eyes darting around the area. Gakushuu figures it must be his parents calling him back. Gakushuu knows that there’s likely nothing he can do to stop Akabane from leaving but there is one thing he needs clarified.

“Oh, before you go,” Gakushuu calls the other back. “Is it… What is your name?”

Akabane blinks, his face shifting. He doesn’t appear to be angry or upset but instead, he looks worn out, running on whatever’s left of himself. “You know then.” His voice is soft.

Gakushuu winces. “I read your patient information sheet at the hospital.” He admits.

Akabane looks behind him before glancing back at Gakushuu. “That’s- Legally, it’s my name,” He acknowledges, exasperated. “If you want to repay me for saving your life, you’ll do me a favour. Don’t _ever_ call me that.”

Gakushuu nods because, hey, he can easily manage that. “Will you be returning to school?”

Akabane spins on his heel and doesn’t look back. “See you later, Asano.”

Gakushuu doesn’t know why it feels like a final goodbye, why it sounds like a promise Akabane intends to keep. He heads home, with his thoughts running through his mind at a million miles an hour.

* * *

Gakushuu had almost forgot what school was like. The hustle and bustle of the crowded corridors, the hushed whispers of nosy so-and-so’s. Gakushuu can handle the usual judgement, the usual _stares_ but this time there is not the standard, reserved rumours but _pity._

Ren winces apologetically. “News spread fast, regardless of our best efforts,” The other Virtuoso’s fiddle nervously. “Sorry.”

Gakushuu shakes his head. “It’s not your fault,” Really, it’s no one’s fault; it’s all one big unfortunate situation. “It was going to happen regardless.”

Just before Gakushuu enters his classroom, the president of the student council, a third-year girl with a strong jawline, comes up to Gakushuu and pulls him into a tentative hug. “It’s good to see you back,” She pulls away, a small but polite smile on her face. “Vice president.”

Her hug (the show of camaraderie) puts the rumours to rest. Gakushuu knows they won’t be kept sated, especially not when Akabane returns, but it’s enough for now. 

* * *

What Gakushuu _had_ forgotten about school was the energy it took. He’s on mild pain killers still and Maki sometimes wakes him up during the night to be let out so is it any surprise when Gakushuu gets home from school and immediately goes to his bed to nap.

He had set a timer for an hour, which should’ve been long enough for Gakushuu but when he wakes up, discombobulated as to why he’s still in his uniform and why it’s dark outside, the clock shows that it’s been over 5 hours since he went to bed.

Darn. He hasn’t even had dinner yet.

As Gakushuu walks downstairs, still half-asleep, he notices something… _odd._ The television is on, his father sitting cross-legged in front of it. Gakushuu, through his sleepy haze, can’t work out what he’s watching but he can roughly hear what’s on the television. It sounds like a child laughing, with occasional soft murmurs filling the gaps.

Father isn’t one to watch television, if not for the news. Granted, in his pseudo-lockdown, he had taken up more and more hobbies (such as watching old films and reviewing outdated scientific papers) but this? This was new. Maybe he had gotten into weird, antique films.

Gakushuu creeps down the stairs slowly, his vision slowly focuses, and he makes out a small child. Still, the video quality is fuzzy, and the camera is shaky so Gakushuu can’t work out what his father’s watching.

Father turns around, a sombre look in his eyes. “Do you recognise this?”

Gakushuu shakes his head, gingerly taking a seat on the couch. He stifles a yawn as the small child turns towards the camera and-

Ah.

Purple eyes.

“That’s me.” And maybe he should’ve realised that far sooner but he can’t recall most of his childhood, especially not what he looked like. But regardless, those eyes are the same eyes he’s seen every morning in the mirror.

A nod of confirmation seals the deal. “Yes.” Father’s voice is quiet but not with rage but with a certain something else. Nostalgia? Remorse? Grief? Maybe.

Gakushuu looks around the boxes, old and dusty. He’s never seen them before, never knew there was videos of him as a child. “Where did this come from?”

“Upstairs,” Father faces the television again. “I was cleaning out the attic and found these.”

There’s about 3 boxes, all filled with old tapes, memorabilia, jotters, folders, the whole lot. Gakushuu reaches into one of them and pulls out a notebook, filled with surprisingly legible writing. “This is…”

“Yours,” Father answers for him. “I never threw it out.”

Gakushuu flips through the book, which must have been from a few years ago. “Why?” He asks because while he is slightly moved by this revelation, it’s not something he ever considered his father doing.

Father shrugs. “I don’t know. I didn’t have the heart to throw it out.”

Gakushuu places the notebook back in the box. “What’s happening?” He inquires, pointing at the screen. He sees his younger version sitting on a wooden floor, reading a book that’s too big for him to hold.

“Ah, you’re at the classroom.”

Child Gakushuu babbles semi-coherently in a manner that _could_ be considered cute. “Classroom?”

Father tilts his head in confusion. “You don’t remember?”

And with perfect timing, a nasally voice calls out on the video. “Hey ‘Shuu, what ya reading?” It’s not father’s, there’s simply no way his voice could be so high pitched and the Gakushuu in the video can’t be any older than 5 so it’s obviously not his voice either.

The pieces of the puzzle click into place. “The cram school?” It almost seems like a dream, with how patchy Gakushuu’s memory of the place is. If he had stepped into E Class once last year, then maybe his memory would be a little better. 

Father hums to himself. “I didn’t want to hire a babysitter. Most days you were up there.”

Being at the cram school means that it was pre-Ikeda, which means it’s a completely different Gakushuu and a completely different Gakuhou. Gakushuu puts those thoughts away. “What am I reading?”

Father clears his throat. “Ikeda gave you the book we were reading for class. It was in English, but you were still managing to read it.”

It’s one of the first times Gakushuu’s heard his father say the name Ikeda, which indicates progress…right? Still, Gakushuu doesn’t miss the way it caught in his father’s throat, the way he uncomfortably shifted on the floor after saying it. He doesn’t point it out and instead, they watch in silence, as television Gakushuu eventually has the book taken away from him. A younger Gakuhou comes into frame and-

“Holy shit,” Gakushuu can’t help but exclaim, eyes wide and mouth agape. “You look like me!” Young Gakuhou has bright, _bright_ hair and instead of his usual plum coloured suit, he’s suspender clad. Gakushuu resists the urge to comment on his father’s fashion sense.

Father actually chuckles, his laugh light but rich. “Yes. Although you have your mother’s nose,” He pauses, a hand automatically going to his head. “I think I miss my hair being that light.” He mumbles to himself.

Gakushuu doesn’t mention how his eyes are brighter, how he’s more energetic, how he’s _happier._ His eyes trickles over to the boxes again. “…Do you have any tapes with mother in them?” For he’s never _seen_ his mother, who departed this world as soon as Gakushuu entered it.

There’s a long silence. “Maybe. I hope so,” Gakushuu goes to rummage through the boxes again but father shakes his head. “They won’t be in these boxes. There’s more upstairs.”

As Gakushuu attempts to head up into the attic, his father holds him back, his grip light but firm. Father pulls Gakushuu into a hug and when Gakushuu feels his father’s chest rise and fall erratically, he doesn’t mention it.

And if his father notices Gakushuu holding onto him a little too tight, he doesn’t mention it either. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic was never intended to be some huge, romantic karushuu thing but as i was writing the park scene i was like 'you saved my life' is... /their/ love language. honestly if u take away romantic subtext from this fic, i don't blame u!
> 
> i think i have the number of chapters finalised btw! which is very neato (theres not too many left but i wont confirm a number for now.....)

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](https://wasp-factor.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/waspfactor) :))
> 
> the organic chem references... when will i learn my actions have consequences.....


End file.
